My Kind of Party

Last night we celebrated my cousin C's 30th birthday with a luau-themed party that was totally reminiscent of an episode of MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen, complete with "talent" (I'm not sure who they were, but several guests had heard their songs on the radio) and a celebrity guest DJ, DJ Laz, who often collaborates with Pitbull and Flo'rida -totally ghetto, but totally awesome, especially if you're 305.

Anyhoodle, while I was there, my cousins and some friends and I were chatting about our shopaholic tendencies, and we totally related to having stuff with the tags still on them in our closets, and a strange aversion to wearing our new clothes because we didn't want to "waste" them.

I'm super guilty of this. I buy super cute stuff with the intention of wearing it totally casually on regular, random days, and then I never do.

So we thought it might be fun to have a "dress up" party. Invite some cookies to come over with some of their cute clothes and have a grown up dress up party. Doesn't that sound like fun? I'm starting to plan it, and I can't wait!

Pet Peeves

• D.I.D. (Douche(s) in Disguise): This is a person that comes into your life -maybe as a friend, or a boy/girlfriend and s/he is really a butthole masquerading as a nice, normal person. These people seem cool/normal/kind/great, but their behavior is just a ruse to get you to trust them so that they can later work their evil mojo whammy on your unsuspecting ass. For example, Mrs. LeDouchetard and I used to be friendly acquaintances. I know, right? Quel surprise! Although we worked in the same place, our duties were so different, we rarely had time to interact. However, we would chat in the halls, and when she was pregnant with her last child, even though I hardly knew her, I bought her a small gift. Anyhoodle, we know how that relationship evolved. And I totally attribute it to the fact that she is a D.I.D.
• This Recession: Jeez, Louise. Let's get the ball rolling, people! The economy sucks. I GET IT! I'm living it for goodness sakes. Let's start looking at the bright side before I kill myself, mmmmkay?
• People Who Wear Street Clothes to the Gym: No. No. No. You should not be wearing jeans to work out. Let me break it down for you this way -it's an abomination. If you're working out in pants or shorts that have a button or zipper, it's time to invest a couple of dollars in elastic waistband pants. Oh, and as an aside. I don't want to see your tight-y white-ies when you're doing your Jean Claude Van Damme stretches on the treadmill in front of me. Keep moving, guy. Nothing to see here.
• The Lady at the Deli: I'm a super nice customer. Super. I'm polite, I wait my turn, and I'm all smiley and please and thank you-y. So. When I order my Boar's Head Maple Glazed Turkey, and I ask for it SHAVED, I don't want it SLICED. And when I kindly point out that I asked for it SHAVED, I don't appreciate you giving me a dirty look and telling me that it is SHAVED when it is clearly NOT. And when, because I am a scaredy-cat, I backdown and accept this "shaved" turkey and tell you, "Thank you. Have a nice day.", I don't appreciate that pissy look on your face and your refusal to wish me the same. You win, deli lady! You win! No need to be a bitch about it.
• Dog Hair: I've got three dogs. And these mothercluckers shed like nobody's damn business. Snoopy is loosing friggin' PATCHES of fur. Add white tile, and all I can say is, "Welcome to my nightmare."
• Dogs +Rain+Mud=Kill Me Now: The weather has been awful (That's another pet peeve, but I'll leave this one here). The morning starts out sunny, and then by 10:30/11:00, it starts getting dark and cloudy. Because the dogs are indoors during the day, when I get home from work, I like to let them hangout in the backyard after they eat. Snoopy hates being outside when it's raining, but last week, I peered outside, and he was actually standing in the rain instead of lounging under the covered patio. Hmmmm. And then I made the mistake of taking a nap and leaving the dogs outside. When I woke up, Snoopy was by the sliding glass door, covered head to paw IN MUD. He was BLACK. I had to hose him down and dry him off. Ugh.
• Mrs. LeDouchetard: Really? I need to get over this. But this bitch is like a thorn in my side. She's my friggin' white whale, the albatross around my neck (that's for all you literary types). Just thinking about her riles me up. Thankfully (and this goes against the whole purpose of a pet peeve list), I don't have to see her for 2 1/2 months.

K, I feel so much better now.

Random-ity Randomness

• Today I went to the fertility specialist. It was just a follow-up visit, so that he could tell me what course of action we'd be taking. I have to have surgery to have a polyp removed, and while he's doing that surgery, he might as well do a laproscopy as well. Okay, then. So he's telling me about the surgery, and he's freaking me the frig out. I knew I'd have to be under, but I didn't know that while I was under, they'd have to put a TUBE DOWN MY THROAT TO MAKE SURE I WOULD KEEP BREATHING. You know, just in case I STOPPED BREATHING. Wtf? Really? I started crying just thinking about it. Anyway, after a routine ultrasound, my doctor's chatting with me, and then he says this, which was so funny, "Okay, so you'll call me when you get your period and then we'll start you on birth control. Or, you may not call me, you know? Your body might be so freaked out by the surgery that you might produce a SUPER EGG, get pregnant, and not have to have the surgery." Oh. My. Word. LMFAO.


• Weighed my self on a hospital scale and I weighed 134.4. Good. Not great. But better than I expected.


• Tomorrow I'm going to Marshall's to buy J a Hawaiian shirt for my cousin C's 30th birthday party luau. Apparently, there's going to be costume nazi, patrolling the party. But I don't care. I'm not wearing a grass skirt and coconuts.


• Lately I've been eating spaghetti. Delicious. My in-laws make fresh sauce -eh, but I like Ragu. Which is an abomination to them. :)


• My grandmother is finally home after having been in the hospital for two weeks. And, read this. She is SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN. She's been threatening to die, which I totally understand because the medicine she's on makes her dizzy and nauseous. Imagine being permanently hung over. According to my uncle, when she woke up on Monday, she asked him if she was in heaven. When he said no, she got pissed and refused to speak to him. Hmmmm. Wonder if it's genetic?


• School is OVER! Yay for me. And, even though the paycut is still hurting, when I did the math, I realized that I had gotten a bonus this year for having all of my certifications. Well, since that money was "new" money, and I'd never had it, if I subtract that amount from what's being deducted, it's a little less devastating.


• I finally figured it out. I am Bethenny and Mrs. LeDoucetard is Kelly. Totally.


• Tomorrow's goals -workout, clean house -which I LOATHE, and visit my nana.


• Could I BE any more boring?

Le Sigh

So. When I was thinking of writing this post, I started thinking about the scariest words in the English language -except for death or dying or any variation thereof, because duh, those are the granddaddies of awful words.

Anyhoodle, here's my list (in no particular order):

foreclosure
debt
layoff
recession
cancer
infertility
miscarriage

And today's word of the day: paycut. That's right, cookies. My salary has been cut 8%. FML, right?

I know that at the very least, I'm still employed. Yay for me! And after last year's setbacks, I am grateful.

But I remember four years ago when we had little debt, paid all of our bills by the 15th, and had money in the bank. Never did I think that in four years we would be going backward (financially), instead of forward.

And the thing that bothers me the most is that I had finally been on track, saving little bits of money, having an actual plan. It's like everytime I have it together, something happens and I have to start from square one. And now, starting in August, I'll have to cut an extra chunk of money out of my budget.

Deep sigh.

J-isms

SC: Are we just going to stay home again today? I can't do it.

J: I know, baby, but it's cloudy outside.

SC: But we did this yesterday.

J: Why don't you just go to the mall?

SC: I thought about it, but I shouldn't spend any money.

J: But you should go. I wouldn't want you to get bedsores.

Do you see why I love this boy?

Pink is My Signature Color

It's not really my signature color. I mean, I like pink, but I don't look that great in it. My colors are blues, greens, and yellows, especially if I'm all tan and glowy (which I know is bad but I really love).

Lately I've been gravitating toward coral, but with my coloring it's not as flattering as the other colors. Last summer I bought a coral dress at Forever 21. It came in green as well, but J like the coral color better.

But there's a huge difference between liking a color and looking good in a color. So even though I still like that dress, I'm hyper aware that the green would've been a better choice.

Anyhoodle, what's your signature color?

Swingers

Last weekend, J and I took a mini-vacation to West Palm Beach where we were almost picked up by -wait for it...

swingers!

Here's how it started. I heard that 97.9 WRMF was having a free (keyword!) Artists You Need to Know showcase, featuring the Script, Parachute (the lead singer is adorable!), and two other groups whose names are currently escaping my old lady brain.

Anyway, I asked J if we could go because I thought it would be a fun adventure. But J works really hard, he's a territory manager for a national coffee chain, and he often wakes up at 4, so on the weekends, he really prefers to do a whole lot of nothing. West Palm Beach is about an hour/an hour a half away, and he jokingly said, "Only if we can rent a room."

Which, duh -was impossible because that would've been an added expense. Sure, the concert was free, but when you factor in drinks, dinner, gas, AND THEN a hotel room it would've been too much.

But!

But J is a member of the Hilton rewards program, and he'd accumulated enough points that we could go for -wait for it...

FREE!

This is a picture of the pool area, where we relaxed on Saturday when we arrived, and on Sunday, after our free (FREE!) breakfast.

K, enough background information.

So Saturday night, we got all dolled up and headed to the Blue Martini. I'd never been to the Blue Martini, but the drink menu certainly lived up to the hype. I had a s'mores martini and J had a Mango Madness martini, and they were delicious. Best thing? The drinks were half-price! Unfortunately, I didn't find that out until I paid for the bill. Trust me, we would've showed a lot less restraint if we would've known that in advance. :)

I was super excited. The place was pretty packed and we didn't want to stand, but all the seats were either taken or reserved.

K, so we're standing, just kinda milling about, when this older couple invites us to sit at their VIP table. We start chatting and they seem nice enough. The boy, G,was kinda talking to me a little close, invading my space a little. Instead of talking to me in my ear, he was like two inches away from my face and he was occasionally brushing up against me. But it was totally subtle, and I'm not sure if it was just a case of me thinking that I was cuter than I actually am, which is usually the case.

So they're telling us about themselves -they're both 50 (which they looked really good for), he's in construction, she does hair and tends bar, they drank a bottle of Patron on their way to the bar ON A MOTORCYCLE, and all kinds of other zany, mildly terrifying adventures.

Hmmmmm.

At this point, J whispers, "These people are swingers, right?"

Oh, good. It's not just me.

Unfortunately, after about half an hour, we got kicked out of VIP because quel surprise, they had just written their names on the VIP card. Shocker after all the stories they'd shared with us.

So we're standing, still shooting the breeze, when G said,

"Man, J. I'd really like to smoke some pot. You got any pot?"

To which J replied, "Um, sorry man. I don't have any." G asked him like three more times. By this point, I can tell J is getting uncomfortable, but the final nail in the Are They, or Aren't They?coffin was when G whispered to J,

"Your wife is really cute, man. You know that?"

Um, that was our cue to leave. We skiddadled right out of there, missing the last two acts.

But, cookies? It makes for such a great story!

Q & A

Well, um not really. Because there are no questions. Copied from my favorite niece. :)

Seven things I like:

1. Sunny days. I'm a Miami girl through and through. Give me a cute bikini, a good book, a comfy lounger, a fruity drink, and pool/beach access and I'm a happy, happy girl.
2. Magazines. Love. Today I got Self and Allure in the mail, and yesterday I treated myself to Us Weekly -the one with Kate Gosselin on the cover -Mom or Monster?
3. Beauty Treatments. Is there anything better than a good blowout? Um. No. How about a great eyebrow waxing? Or a mani/pedi? I can't help it. I like being pretty.
4. Diet Coke. Gosh, I'm hooked. Save me from myself.
5. Cheese. On anything.
6. Shoes. It's kinda what I'm known for.
7. Forever 21. It's cheap, it's cute, and I love it. What can I tell you? I'd rather have more things for less than less things for more.

Seven things I did yesterday:

1. Went to work, where I puttered around aimlessly because I was feeling spastic.
2. Ate McDonald's for lunch and an entire bag of white cheddar popcorn for dinner.
3. Suffered through my school's graduation.
4. Relived the bitterness of Bitchy Mrs. Bitchpants, otherwise known as Mrs. LeDouchetard.
5. Burned my hair with the blowdryer. I was watching Make Me a Supermodel and got a little distracted. Until I smelled the delicious odor of burnt hair. Yum.
6. Took a nap.
7. Balanced my checkbook. Oh, red? When will you be black?

Seven things I wish I could do:

1. Have a thick skin so things wouldn't bother me so much.
2. Not take things so personally.
3. Be happy with myself. I don't hate myself, but it's a work in progress.
4. Make more money and get out of debt.
5. Worry less.
6. Exercise regularly (like I used to).
7. Fit into my pants.

Seven things I don’t like

1. Roots. I need to get mine done pronto.
2. Cleaning. I wish we had a cleaning lady, but I'd rather save the money.
3. Going to the dentist.
4. Dog farts. So gross, I know. But Snoopy usually has bad gas.
5. J's feet. I love him from the ankles up.
6. People who think that they're the boss of me. Um, no. No.
7. Seeing my grandfather cry because my Nana is in the hospital. Breaks my heart.

A Love Affair Rekindled

Because of the douche-y behavior I had to deal with today, I found it necessary to indulge in retail therapy, which was made guilt-free, thanks to a $50 VISA giftcard from one of my munchkins.

If you remember, it's been a while since I've found anything at Forever 21. I'd anticipated their new Love 21 collection, but, eh. It was a little sound and fury-ish.

Anyhoodle, this afternoon I drove my sad-face to the mall without any expectations.

And, cookies? Going to the mall without expectaions is the best. THE BEST. Because when you don't have any expectations, anything you find is a score.

Check out my super cute finds:

This dress must've just been put out when I got to the store because in the 10 minutes it took me to finish walking the store, these dresses disappeared. Anyhoodle, this dress fits my number one summer dress requirement: it's smocked. The navy/white/yellow pattern is bold, but not overwhelming, giving the overall dress a fresh look.

This pattern doesn't photograph as lovely as it looks in person. But it's cute and sassy, and I'm super happy that it now belongs to me.

I also bought a really cute navy/white stripe t-shirt, but I couldn't find a picture of it online.

And, yes. I do feel better.

Some People Are Just Buttholes....

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Cookies, this is a super important lesson to learn. And apparently, I have yet to learn it because as a super sensitive, highly emotional drama queen, Jesus is finding the need to put mega douchetards who behave horribly and rudely toward me, for no damn good reason, in my path over and over and over again. So I'm thinking I haven't learned it yet -duh, because it still affects me like a mofo every single time.

I haven't written about the LeDouchetards for several months. We had achieved a relatively peaceful detente, and life had progressed a little less bitterly. Today was the last day of school, and I received several gifts from my little ones, but no gift -not even a card, from the usual suspect. Before I continue, please let me make it clear that I expect nothing from my students, but I appreciate everything, no matter how big or small. I was hurt by that obvious oversight (especially when I remembered that the LeDouchetards had bought a birthday present for the friggin' cafeteria lady, but whatever), but it really wasn't unexpected.

What was unexpected was this:

During our class party this morning (which was a super cool glow in the dark party), the students had McDonald's for lunch. As we were eating, Mrs. LeDouchetard asked the other teacher in the room and another mother what they would like to drink. She didn't ask me, but I assumed it was because she knew what I would like.

Well, this bitch came back with a soda for every adult in the room. Except for me.

Burn.

I felt like I had physically been slapped. I was so angry, I began to shake. One of the adults noticed this blatant rudeness and offered me her drink, but I declined and told her I had left my drink in my classroom. The urge to cry was at the surface, not out of sadness, but out of fury.

Again, it shouldn't have surprised me. But it did. And I'm angry about it.

I did do something in my own passive aggressive way, which I feel a smidge badly about. I gave each child a large thank you card, thanking them for the gifts they had given me throughout the year and detailing all the things I loved about them and how much I enjoyed being their teacher. The son of the LeDouchetards didn't get a card. Obviously. The only thing that makes me feel badly is that technically it's not his fault. But. But I did it anyway.

And since all my kids parents are tight, as soon as those kids got to the parking lot, they started waving their cards in Mrs. LeDouchetard's face. Good.

Just because she's a butthole, doesn't mean I have to be a butthole. I don't want to be a butthole. Really, I don't.

But.

But don't push me. Because when push comes to shove, this cookie can be your worst nightmare.

Carry on.

Who Has Two Thumbs & Loves Me?

My mama. That's who.

Okay. So you may remember that I mentioned that I wanted to buy these chairs for our patio.

However, I've been on a saving kick (I can't save much, but I'm really working on squirreling it away), and I was dreading having to spend over $300 to buy these loungers.

Imagine my surprise when my mama called and asked if I wanted her old loungers. They're a little beat up and a little rusty, but guess what? They be FREE! And with a little bit of elbow grease and a couple of dollars, they can look better than new.

I'm thinking of spray painting them hot pink. Crazily delicious. I'll post some pics when I'm done with the fabulosity.

Immediate Gratification....

will have to be delayed. Because I've done the math for this month, and it's going to be a tight squeeze. Deep sigh. Maybe next month.

I've been looking for a shrunken blazer, and this one is perfect. I haven't figured out if I like it better in navy or black. But, um, I've got three weeks to think about it. LOL.I love summer dresses. Love. Although I'm planning to lose the 10 pounds I've gained this year, dresses make me feel thin and hide the pooch. Even though it's just an illusion.

All these cuties are from Urban Outfitters and are under $68 smackaroonies. Cute, right?

Is This Relationship OVER?

For years, I've loved Forever 21. Loved. Never would a week pass by that I wouldn't come home with a yellow bag stuffed with a few well-priced beauties. Guaranteed I could not step foot in the store without spending at least $25. Yep. Do the math cookies. $25 (minimum, mind you) x 52 (weeks) =$1300 (YIKES!! -but I am now saving $25/week, that's right, I'm on the road to being responsible).

I mean, I've said several times that Forever 21 has ruined me, ruined me for regular stores. I could be at, oh, let's say Macy's, and I'll see a really cute jersey dress for $48.

$48 AMERICAN DOLLARS? WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I COULD GET THAT FOR AT FOREVER 21? PROBABLY LESS THAN $20! OH HELL TO THE NO!

Anyhoodle, lately? The magic? It's gone. I have not bought anything from Forever 21 since Lent. Nothing. Not a tanktop. Not a skirt. Not a flirty little dress. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The hemlines are too high. A little crotch-tastic if you will. The waistlines are too high. So high they might as well be wrapped around my neck. The cuts make my thighs look like racks of ham and my belly like I'm eight months pregnant. Um, no. No. No. No.

However, Forever 21 is coming out with a new line called Love 21: Sophisticated style at a price you can't pass up. Hmmm. Maybe this love affair can be saved after all.

Stocking Up

I bought this dress last year from Forever 21 in blue. It fits really well, and for $12 the price can't be beat.

My new anti-shopaholic self is reasoning that:

a) I bought myself a pair of shoes yesterday.

b) I already have it in blue.

c) I got my period today, and I am so not going anywhere that requires looking presentable.

d) Do I need it? Really?

But the little devil perched on my shoulder is singing its siren song, "It's only $12! It's only $12!"

We'll see.

In My Shoes

Something else I've noticed. When the numbers on the scale creep up, the amount of shoes in the closet goes up as well.

I first saw these lovelies during Lent. Because I couldn't buy them, and I refuse to waste sales staff's time unless I'm serious, I didn't even bother trying them on. When Lent ended, the $89 price tag was a deterrent. Not because they were too expensive, but rather because with my new frugal-icious state of mind, spending so many smackaroonies for one pair of shoes was unthinkable.

But today, I really, really, really wanted them. Oh! How I seriously considered buying them even with the thought of kissing $89 good-bye. But Jesus loves me. Yes, he does. Because before I left for the mall to circle them endlessly while drooling, I decided to check the website. Surely Dillards would be having some sort of Mother's Day sale, right?

And they were! The shoes were reduced 40%!

Oh, happy day!

And unlike these Gap shoes, which were not very flattering (but might have been if they would've come in half sizes -the size 8 just made my feet look like canoes), these shoes were perfect! Super comfortable, perfect 70's vibe, and a wedge that's not too high, not too low, but just right. The perfect compliment to all my summer dresses. I'd been feeling a little hobbit-ish in my flats.

But no more, my cookies. No more.

Backyard Blues

My backyard is pretty sad. It's the part of the house that gets the least attention.

But not anymore!

My mom made some cushions for some of my grandparents' patio furniture. The cushions are upholstered in a mouthwatering lime green. Just my style. My mom had the cushions made so that the furniture would look good for my brother's wedding. After the wedding, she told me I should ask my grandparents to give me the furniture. And because they're so awesome, they let me have it. Score!

So here are some things I want to add. Eventually, of course. I'm still counting my pennies.

This umbrella is from Pier One. I love it because it's bright and cheery. The only thing I don't love is the price. This baby is $129.95. But I haven't seen anything else I heart as much.

Just like I haven't found a chaise lounge I like as much as this little stunner from Home Depot. I would need two, duh, because where would J sit? So that would be $159.95 x Deux. Yikes. That's going to take a while.

And finally, every year we buy ourselves a kiddie pool. Maybe this year we should invest in something more permanent. Maybe. It's a little cheese-tastic, but it beats having to go to my mom's pool. But then again, my mom's pool is free and this one is $129.95.

Goodness. It'll probably be Christmas by the time I round up enough cash to by myself this stuff.

Theory of Expansion

So if you read this blog at all, you know that it's pretty much revolves around my finances (or my lack thereof), my (reformed) shopping addiction, and my weight.

Today is no different. I am steadily gaining weight. I am no longer wearing my pants because they are too uncomfortable. I mean, I'm covering my lady parts, don't worry. I'm not pulling a Lindsay, but I'm just wearing lots of dresses and skirts.

Today, I ate:

Breakfast: A cookie and some milk

Lunch: Salad and a brownie

Snack: 3/4 of a ginormous bag of white cheddar popcorn

Dinner: Cheeseburger, fries, hot fudge sundae from McDonald's

Snack: Chocolate chip cookie

Gross, right? That's totally a fatgirl food diary. And this is just the tip of the Junk in my Trunk food pyramid. Tuesday I ate McDonald's for lunch AND Taco Bell for dinner. :(

So here is my theory:

In addition to the ridiculous stress of this year, because I've reigned in my shopping habits, my eating has spiraled out of control. Straight up, 500 pound man laying in bed with a bag of cheetos in one hand and the phone in the other ordering a pizza, out of control.

Lately when I think about shopping, I try to skidaddle those thoughts right outta my brain. And what are those thoughts replaced with? Thoughts about delicious, high-calorie food, duh. Smart Cookie is not craving any fruits or vegetables, that's for sure.

I'm not fat, but I'm definitely the heaviest I've been in a long time.

*Deep sigh.

I just need some thin-spiration.

J says that we'll start on Monday. We're leaving to the Dominican Republic in 7 weeks, and we don't want to have to buy an extra seat to sit our expanding fat asses.

Anybody want to be my workout buddy?

Head to Toe

Ignore my devil eyes. And that guy's big, fat head. Just focus on me. And check out my outfit. This is the only full length picture I have of my outfit. If you look closely, you can see my purple pumps. So delicious, no? Can you make out the brooch on my left side? Probably not, huh?

This is me coming down from the altar. I'd just read the traditional wedding reading, a letter from Paul to the Corinthians about love... in Spanish! I was so nervous, my voice got a little wobbly. But I did it.

Holla' at your girl!

I Love Weddings

I really do. Since J and I got married, weddings always remind us of our special day and how much we love each other.

My baby brother (he's 29, but he'll always be my baby brother) got married yesterday.

His knees were shaking the whole time he recited his vows. The fact that they decided to have the service in Spanish didn't help. He speaks Spanish, but he was so nervous the priest had to repeat several parts for him. It was so cute!

That's why my posts were non-existent last week. Even though I wasn't involved in the planning, smart cookie had to get her pretty on, so I was busy getting my nails done and my eyebrows waxed, buying myself a girdle, and finalizing all of my accessories.

My outfit was spectacular. I got a bunch of compliments on my dress (jcrew!), my purple suede peep toe shoes (Ross! Only $14.99!), and the brooch that I'd fastened to the waist of my dress. Fabulous.

This is a picture of my grandparents and me. It doesn't fully showcase my fabulosity, but what can I tell you? I love them. And I look really cute. And yes, my grandfather hates being photographed, and he makes that face in every single photo.

My brother was on a budget because he was "paying" for this wedding himself. That's in parentheses because my mom paid for all the extras. Like the tents and the flowers and the alcohol and the fans. The reception was held in my grandparents' backyard. And really? Everything turned out beautifully.

We partied the night away. My mother drank so much she was going around grabbing people's faces and telling them how much she loved them.

I drank a little too much as well. J was hammered. Thankfully my grandparents' house is only a 10 minute drive away. Honestly? I'm pretty hungover. I can't wait for it to be 12 so I can order a pizza.

And my baby brother? Right now, he's with his wife. He's a husband! And I know that'll he be a great one. I can't really say he'll be the bestest, though. Because right now? That title belongs to my very own J. :)

What Not to Wear

No, really. Really. When your outfit spontaneously combusts, it's a problem.

This past Friday, my girlfriend A, my cousin M, and I went to Shecky's Girls' Night Out. We got all prettied up and headed to the Design District. My parents' business is in the Design District, and I'm so used to simply going to and from the office (plus the fact that I'm totally not cool -not even a little bit) that I was totally unaware that it's become a very hip (that's the word the kids are using these days, right?) scene.

We only stayed for about an hour. The drinks were included in the admission price, but they weren't too yummy. And the bartenders were assholes. Don't hold drinks hostage until a tip is put in the jar. And don't tap the tip jar. Doing that only guarantees that I'm going to snatch one out from under your smarmy grasp and leave you nothing. Well, almost. My cousin M tipped him because she's a sucker (or some might say, so sweet).

Looking at pretty clothing and jewelry is my favorite, but the pricetags for these items were outrageous. There was a vendor selling strapless, smocked dresses, which I seriously love for their ease, versatility, and ability to hide an expanding midsection, and as we passed, I told my cousin M how much I loved the dresses (check me out in my strapless smocked dress!), and she just looked at me and said,

"Do you know how many dresses like that you could buy at Ross?"

Which, duh, is so true. And one of the girls who was actually considering buying one of the dresses looked at my cousin and said, "Oh, no! Don't tell me that!"

I almost bought a necklace because I was seriously feeling the urge to buy something, anything. I think it was because the air was so charged (get it?) with the buy stuff vibes. The necklace was only $20. It was a thin, short gold chain with a small rose quartz-ish looking stone. It was delicate and really lovely. I thought I might wear it to my brother's wedding, but in the end, I didn't feel that it was special enough for my wedding outfit and for $20? Um, no.

But don't get too excited thinking that I didn't buy anything. We ended up going to Target (my cousin M and I were looking for jeweled barettes to wear to my brother's wedding), and I bought the most delicious chartreuse scarf and a floppy beach hat. Beautiful.

OH! And the admission price (for advance tickets) included a goody bag! It wasn't anything out of this world, but it did include a romance novel, a bunch of lotions and creams, tampons, and one of those individual, just add water and microwave chocolate cakes.

I'm so going to eat that now.

J-isms, or "The World According to J"

J: Would you rather have a baby or a million dollars?

SC: I don't know, babe. That's a tricky one. How about you?

J: A million dollars, duh.

SC: You don't want a baby?

J: Do you know how many babies you could buy with a million dollars?
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SC: Ugh, I just ate a box of cookies.

J: That's my girl.
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SC: Um, maybe it's time we start watching what we eat. We're getting a little heavy (as I gaze at his belly).

J: Why? You know I'm just bloated!
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SC: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hello? Are you even listening to me?

J: (Deep sigh) I just didn't know you'd have so much to say.
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