Adios, Galleticas!

Off to the Dominican Republic!

xoxo,

Smart Cookie

I've Decided Against Sticking My Head in the Oven

1. I am feeling so much better than I was on Monday. I received muchos love from y'all, my cookies in the blogosphere, my new (old) friends, and a beautiful letter from my BFC (best favorite cousin -I know, my cousin is an attorney and I'm a teacher and we speak like four year olds) titled, "Love for my BFC".

I made a doctor's appointment for the week that we return from the Dominican Republic (yay!) for my annual check-up and to beg, I mean threaten, um ask? for anti-anxiety pills. Because I think I have a problem, and the responsible thing is to take care of it. J is worried, of course. He thinks that I should be able to manage my anxiety, to which I responded,

"For the love of all that's good and holy -do you not know me at all?"

Hopefully I'll get the kind that make me skinny. Just kidding. Kinda. :)

2. I eat alot. That's no secret. On Monday, in a fit of self-loathing, I ate six donuts in the five minute drive from the grocery store to my house. I've gained 10 pounds in the last year and a half. I will concede that five of those pounds were necessary, because I did look like a bobblehead, but the other five are completely excess baggage. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I will NEVER fit into some of my old pants and that that may not be a bad thing.

Anyhoodle, I have to be on the pill for six weeks, and I'm telling you cookies, I was a piglet before, but these pills are making me a full-blown hog. I used to take them in the morning (one day I ate breakfast @ 8, snack @10:30, snack @ 11, snack @12, and then lunch (finally!) at 1), and I swear all I thought about was food. So now, I'm taking my pills at night. I started that yesterday, and I can already feel a difference.

3. Last night I saw The Proposal with my girlfriends. I had a great time with the girls(I'm hearting you guys!), and the movie was hilarious! Super cute, super charming, super worth it.

4. We're leaving for the Domincan Republic on Sunday. It's going to be our first real vacation in six years. We're both looking forward to days of lounging in the sun, cocktail in hand, loving each other.

5. I'm not going to see a psychic. I've realized that I have to stop being so controlling. The more I try to control my life, the more it spirals out of control. Okay, God, I get it. Stop hitting me over the head with this lesson.

6. You'll notice there are some Google Ads on the site. OMG. So funny. How is it that there are ads for Men's Lingerie and Men's Heels? Say what? Click on them and let me know if it's full out crazy.

T & A

Did the title excite you? Ooooops! Just a typo. :) It's really Q & A -clever, right? No? You hate me now? Pervert.

I copied this survey from the super adorable Lesli, so buckle up, and enjoy the show.

What is your current obsession?

Right now I'm really loving maxi dresses, so I find I'm always on the hunt for those. Y'all know about my aversion to pants, and even though I have nice legs (I think, anyway), maxi dresses are comfy, casual and have the added bonus of making you look and feel put together. I bought a light purple maxi dress on Sunday from Love Culture for $15 smackaroonies.

This is one that I bought last month and haven't worn yet. I'm taking it on our trip to Santo Domingo next week, and I plan on being all bronze and toasty when I wear it. :)

What is your weirdest obsession?

I don't think I have any weird obsessions. I have a lot of strange idiosyncrasies, though. Like, if I'm going grocery shopping, I can't start in the frozen food aisle (far left side of the grocery store), I have to start in the dairy aisle (far right side of the grocery store), or I get all bajaggity.

Starbucks or Caribou?

Since I have no idea what Caribou is, and I originally thought it was from the deer/elk/moose family, I'd have to go with Starbucks. I'm not a big coffee fan, it gets me all breathless and hyped up, but I do love the strawberry frappuccino and the mango and banana smoothie.

What's for dinner?

Today we ate steak and mushroom rice. It was really delicious. I'm super lucky J is not a picky eater. Most of our meals include these ingredients: olive oil, mushrooms, zucchini, and onions, and we alternate steak, chicken, or pasta.

What would you eat for your last meal?

Pepperoni pizza from Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza and lobster with butter.

What was the last thing you bought?

Groceries.

What are you listening to right now?

The Bachelorette. I never watch this show, but there is nothing else on. At least until 9 when it's on to the Jon & Kate train wreck. Can't. Look. Away.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

I love Haagen Dazs Caramel Cone ice cream (I can eat a whole pint in one sitting) and Cold Stone's Birthday Cake Remix.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Probably one of these water huts in Fiji.

Which language do you want to learn?

Definitely Italian. I even bought a book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Learning Italian, but I really think learning a language from a book is almost impossible.

What is your favorite quote (for now)?

I'm really feeling the quote from Rocky.

What is your favorite color?

It depends on what we're talking about. I love pink and green and orange, especially for my house. Whenever someoene asks me what color they should paint a room, I always say a shade of green. But if it's for something I'm going to wear, I like blues and yellows and chartreuse.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

I wouldn't say I have one favorite piece of clothing. The majority of my clothes are inexpensive and therefore somewhat disposable. However, I do love all my dresses. They fit me well, and I always feel pretty in them.

Do you admire anyone's style?

Like Lesli, I heart Rachel Bilson and Lauren Conrad's style.

Describe your personal style.

For me, it's all about flirty dresses, dangly earrings, and an arm full of bangles.

What are you going to do after this?

Watch Chelsea Lately.

What are your favorite movies?

The Princess Bride, The Wedding Singer, French Kiss, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Hangover, Juno.

What is your favorite fruit?

Mangos. I also love mango juice in the morning with breakfast and mango martinis -delicious.

What inspires you?

I'm really inspired by certain quotes. Sometimes I read something or hear something from a movie, and I just think, "Wow, I totally get that."

What is your dream job?

I'd love to be a writer, and I'd like to grow my own home/fashion business.

What's your worst trait?

I'm too sensitive. I really let things get to me, and I have a tendency to wallow. Boo.

What would you do with $100?

I really want these bracelets from Forever 21. They're nowhere near $100, but it's a start. And a manicure and pedicure. And a massage. Gosh, $100 smackaroonies goes fast, huh?

What is your favorite book?

I love anything by Sophie Kinsella and Jen Lancaster. The Tale of Despereaux is a favorite, it makes me cry every time. Those are books that I could read over and over.

Do you collect something?

Nope, nada.

What is your favorite smell?

Vanilla, coconut, the beach.

What are you most proud of?

My marriage. I think that we're a good fit and that we strike a really good balance.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?

As many times as it lets me before it shuts off by itself. I think that's about half an hour. I wish I were one of those people who wake up right away.

Cats or dogs?

Dogs. I've got three, and I love them. I find cats a little yucky.

Complete the following: Love is.....

hard work. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

What do you like best about yourself?

I'm a really loving, loyal person. And I've got a killer sense of fashion.

What do you like least about yourself?

My obsession with my weight, my super competitiveness, and my tendency to stress and worry about the teeniest things. I could go on and on, but I'm trying to work on my negativity. :)

The World is Out to Get Me...

or welcome to my pity party.

1. Today I woke up to another huge piss puddle in the bedroom. Lucy, otherwise know as Leaky Faucets, peed in front of Whitey's cage. It happens. Every. Single. Morning.

2. I usually work on Mondays. I had already flat ironed my hair, put on my make-up, and was just about to change out of my granny panties (trying to avoid the dreaded visible panty lines)when my mom called. "Oh, are you working today? Yes? Hmmmm. I didn't call you, then. I thought I had mentioned that I needed you to work on Wednesday instead. Is that okay?"

Well, what am I going to say? No? So here I am. All dressed up and no place to go. I mean, I already went to the mall yesterday, and I'm too clean to clean, so what do I do with myself?

3. I used to be friends with S. We were carbon copies. And I really loved her. I'm not the easiest person to be friends with. I hate talking on the phone, fear of rejection usually prevents me from initiating plans, I'm incredibly anti-social, and I'm a little Rain Man particular about things. I know, right? Can't wait to be my friend? Move to the end of the line.

Anyhoodle, last year, S and her husband moved into a new house. They had a lot of parties and get togethers at their new house, and J and I were never invited. It bothered me (especially because J and S's husband were also friends, and they didn't forget to call J when they needed to borrow his work truck and help them move), but it was never a huge deal. Like I said, I'm pretty anti-social, and I don't need to be invited to everything.

Until her birthday.

S's birthday was the same day as my brother's wedding. The night before, I already had plans so J called S's husband to see what he was up to. And S's husband was all like, "Oh, we're having a barbecue for S's birthday. You didn't get the evite? Come on over."

Come on. You're not going to invite me to your BIRTHDAY? And you call me your BFF? No. No. No. And that was it. It was over. Because as difficult as it may be to be my friend, my friends know that I will literally cut a bitch if someone hurts them. Not on my watch. They're part of my gang, and like the Crips or the Latin Kings (without the poor fashion choices, life of crime, and unnecessary violence) they have my undying love and loyalty. But once I feel that a line has been crossed, it's over. And there's no going back.

So now I find out that she's pregnant. And I'm happy for her because I'm not a total evil bitch.

But, cookies? I'm sad for me.

4. Why is it that when I feel like I have a plan (I love plans and schedules and order), something always happens to fuck it up? Really? No, really?

And it's not even 10 fucking a.m.

How I Get Babies to Love Me

Yesterday I had brunch with my girlfriends, A, C, and CG. It was super fun. First of all, CG hosted this"Bookless" Book Club brunch at her place, which was a-frickin-dorable, all decorated in shades of blue, with cream and dark brown. Two words, loved it. And the food was delish and so fancy. Come to my house and all you'll get is some cheese cubes, crackers, and grapes. And that's it! If you're lucky.

Anyhoodle, C brought her two sons, C-man and Jordan, who are both too cute for words. But my favorite, probs because he was too little to run away from me screaming, was Jordan. Jordan is the perfect baby, chubby and delicious and BEAUTIFUL. Unfortunately, Jordan suffers from a serious case of MAMA-itis and does not like to be held by strangers.

But I wanted to hold that yumminess, so I lured him to me with my jangly bracelets, very similar to these (which I totally want BTW):
And this was the bestest part (besides holding this little piece of heaven, of course). I will never forget when that little monkey put his hands on my face and rested his forehead against mine.

Oh. My. Word. Get me one of these -STAT!

So now I know the secret. I'm like the baby whisperer. And all it took was a bunch of gypsy bracelets. Go figure.

P.S. I also jiggled that little muffin to sleep, and the few minutes he slept on my chest were priceless. God, I so want one of those.

Status Update: Brood-ish

THING ONE:
Today I ran into Mrs. LeDouchetard at my place of worship: the mall (I know, I know, one week and I'm already off the wagon -we'll get to that another day). I had just stepped out of Old Navy and was walking toward DSW when I saw my former student, and Mrs. LeDouchetard's son, sitting on a bench. He totally saw me (kids are so funny when they see their teachers out of school -it's like, "Wow! They let you out!") so there was no way I could keep on walking without saying hi. Because, you know that if I would have done that, he'd tell her that I saw him and just walked by, and she'd be pissed at me for that, too, even though she'd rather swallow nails than say hello to me and make me pay for it for the rest of my damn life.

Anyhoodle, I gave Mini-Douche(He's a really a cute kid and his only fault is being related to his devil parents, therefore making him lose his cutie-ness and render him the spawn of those who will not be named) a kiss, and I gave one to Mrs. LeDouchetard as well. She was looking the other way, so she wouldn't have seen me at all (Damn you DSW! You were just a stupid, mindless whim!).

Cookies, I hope that my smile was not HALF as fake as hers. Because if it was, it was blatantly obvious that we hated each others' guts. I made some chit chat, which was the longest damn minute of my life, and then I hightailed it out of there without a look back.

And here is what I'm ashamed to admit. My body had a visceral reaction to seeing this woman. The minute I walked away, my body started shaking and my breathing and heart rate became super accelerated.

And, why? I hate (okay, seriously dislike) this woman, and I don't want her to have this power over me. And I've been thinking about it all day because even if this random scenario wouldn't have affected me emotionally, how the hell would I have not let it affect me physically?

Cookies, body shaking, fast breathing, heart pounding. Totally Fight or Flight Syndrome.

This sounds so lame, but I really want to forgive this woman, build a bridge and get over it. But how? How, cookies? How?

THING TWO:
So I'm a Christian right? Total member of the Jesus club (Yeah, yeah. That whole forgiveness thing is still a bitch even as a believer). But lately, I've been wanting answers, and even though I know I should be praying for answers, I don't want to have to wait, and I want to HEAR answers. Now.

So.

I want to see a psychic. No. Actually, I'm planning to see a psychic on Wednesday.

But it's totally against my faith because, duh -Christianity is based on trusting God not humans.
So I'm torn. Totally torn. And I don't know what the poop to do.

And get this. You know how I said I want to HEAR answers? After I made plans to see the psychic, THE NEXT DAY, the message on the daily inspirational thoughts calendar was.... are you ready for it?

If you are seeking answers, do not turn to the internet, or the latest
trends or technology, ask God, and he will give you the answers.

FML, right?

Deep sigh.

Hence the status update. I'm feeling broody.

Feel free to weigh in.

Shoes? Yes, Please!

Last week, I mentioned that I was going to reinstate the shopping ban*, with the one exception of these shoes:

But these shoes were $99.95. So, um -no. Because although I'm not averse to spending $100 on a pair of shoes (not that I have a closet full of $100 shoes or anything) I am not going to throw away $100 on a pair of shoes that although I seriously love, I have no idea how to incorporate into my daily wardrobe.

Plus, although I loved them in gold, they were a little, how do I say? Cha Cha Digregorio-ish.

So even though I went to the mall on Tuesday in order to purchase them with my 20% Macys discount card, I just couldn't.

But today? Oh. Happy. Day. I went to Macy's to return a top I had bought while delusional (I must've been in a frenzy when I bought it because it was. So. Not. Me.), I sauntered by the shoes and these babies were $69.95!

Shut your mouth and say it isn't so!

So I tried them on in gold (I know, right? I'm so frickin' persistent. Like a dog with a bone.) and in black**. And surprisingly enough, I fell in love with the black ones. Ooooooh. They is so pretty!

And I was able to use my discount card so I actually saved $43.

*I would've broken the shopping ban on Tuesday because I found a super cute bikini (I know, I know -like a hole in the head) for $16.99 but it didn't fit me. And some super cute Michael Kors wedges, but since I had planned on buying the aforementioned shoes, ixnay.

And today, I would've bought a buttload of crap but nothing fit and Jesus said, "No, you don't need it." And I listened.

**I don't have many pairs of black shoes. I have two pairs of black pumps, one pair of black flats (of which I can only find one, the other must be under the bed), and one pair of black sandals. So I was super surprised at how much I loved the black shoes. But they made my calves look FIERCE, cookies. FIERCE.

Clothes Call

Since J is out of town, I made plans with my work BFF, S, to go to the Melting Pot for dinner, because usually when J is out of town I hardly eat anything (yeah, screw you, scale -let's watch the numbers go down, motherclucker!), while he eats out for every single meal, and by the time he comes home, I'm starving for restaurant food and sick of turkey sandwiches, and he just wants to eat a home-cooked meal.

Anyhoodle, Monday night is ladies' night (for the month of June -things change in July so call your local MP for details) at the Melting Pot. You can get the cheese, the chocolate, and a drink (alcoholic -woohoo!) for $20/person. Can we say, "Hello, fat pants?" Plus, S had a giftcard with $17 smackaroonies left on it, so with tip and all, we only paid $17.50 each, and it was DE-LI-Cious. Totally worth it.

I wasn't really sure what to wear, so I wore what I thought S would wear -jeans, a cute top, and flats. Mind you, I had completely forgotten my vow to make it a pants-less summer. I mean, I don't think I ever expressed my pants-less intentions in so many words, but, as I was writing this, I had an epiphany, and I realized that even though I never vocalized it, a pants-less summer is what I've aspired to.

I'll be honest. Today, I was feeling a little not so pretty (okay, ALOT not so pretty). I feel like I get a quota of pretty days every week, and I'd definitely reached my limit. My hair was a little, eh. I usually wash it every other day, and usually not at all Thursday - Saturday (I know, I know, I'm so dirty), but I've washed and blowdried my hair for the last three days.

So not only am I feeling like I got beat with the ugly stick, but I'm wearing a very cute, but a very un-Smart Cookie-ish outfit. And what is S wearing, pray tell? S is looking adorable in a maxi dress. And I fell all out of sorts because I should have been wearing a dress, too! I've only got a zillion. And at least five (OMW -don't judge me) that I haven't even worn yet! Not only that, but I didn't really accessorize because I didn't think S would, but she was wearing the hoop earrings and the sparkly bangles, and I. WAS. NOT.

Boo. Hiss.

I hate when that happens. And it happens all the time! Because you know what? Instead of dressing however the heck I want -which let's face it cookies, is in a dress and all shiny-ed out, I overthink it. And overthinking it never makes me happy. Ever.

Because when I dress like myself, I always feel good. Like yesterday. My girlfriends and I went to visit Mr. Moneybags at the Canyon Ranch Hotel in Miami Beach. He actually lives there, and the place is unbelievable.

Anyhoodle, I asked Mr. Moneybags what would be appropriate attire, and he said to wear "resort" wear (yeah, not that it matters, but for the record -he's gay). So I wore a dress. And I was happy. Even though my girlfriends were wearing shorts and t-shirts. Why? Because I wore what I wanted.

When will I learn to do that all the time?

J-isms

After our pool time, we got all clean and fancy and went to the movies to watch The Hangover, which was fucking awesome. I know, I said it. I never swear, but it was.

As an aside, Bradley Cooper is my new boyfriend. This is one tasty piece of man meat.



Anyhoodle, back to the story. This preview was shown before the movie started:



To which J said (just keep in mind that I am reproductively challenged),

"Hmmmm. And that's why we're not going to adopt."

Which was pretty hilarious and exactly what I was thinking.
Now don't leave me any comments waxing poetic about adoption. J and I have discussed it, and we really will consider it more seriously once I get my lady business cleaned up. So there.


Deep sigh. I love that boy something awful.

Mission Impossible

This weekend, J and I had planned to go to my parents' pool. Boohoo for us, when we got to my parents' house (my parents, along with my sister and her boyfriend were spending the weekend at the house in Marco Island), my aunt, uncle, and cousins' cars were parked in the driveway. Apparently, their house was being tented for termites, and my mom had very graciously let them stay at the house.

So. That meant that J and I had to abort our plan, which was this: inflate our pool at my parents' house, and put the inflatable pool in the pool. We had been looking forward to it. All. Week.

Instead, we had to turn around and GO HOME. My mom was all like, "What was your plan? You could've still gotten in the pool." And when I replied, "No. We didn't want people around." My mom said, "Ohhhh."

Ugh.

"Mom! We weren't going to have sex in the pool (not with people around, anyway)!"

Then I filled her in our plan.

To which she responded, "Oh, that would've never worked. Trust me. Can you inflate the bottom of your pool? No? Well then, let me tell you, you guys would've drowned. How do I know? We tried to do that one time at the beach and the pool closed in around us like a tortilla and we almost drowned. Sorry to disappoint you, but just think of it this way -you didn't miss anything."

Hmmph.

On a brighter note, J, always the problem solver, inflated the pool in the backyard AND THEN FILLED IT WITH BUBBLES. That's right, BUBBLES. Oh. My. Word. So fun!

I won't tell you what else went down. Let's just say we had a great time. :)

And the Winner Is....

Drumroll, please....




Email me your address, and I'll send you your goodies this week!
Thanks for playing!

Rocky is a Prophet....

and a lot of other random stuff I think you should know.

The other night, J was watching Rocky VI, and because I love J and wanted to spend time with him, I was watching it, too. It was actually a pretty good movie. I mean, nothing I'd pay to see in the movies, but I'd definitely watch it again on TV. Anyhoodle, there's this scene where Rocky is talking to his son (the super delicious Milo Veng-whatever, my secret boyfriend) and he says this:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine
and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough
you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you
let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about
how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and
keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.
That's how winning is done!

This is my new mantra. I love it. Love. It.

Shopping Ban. You are hereby reinstated. I am back on the wagon. Oh, lordy I went on a bender, and I cannot stand myself. I'm hoping to make it to July 19th. The day before the day before my surgery. I am counting on God and y'all to keep me accountable. And maybe on vacation. J and I are going to the Dominican Republic, but I doubt I'll buy anything there. We'll see. K. So no buying stuff in the United States before July 19th.

Look at these shoes. Oh. My. Word. I. Want. Them.

These are the only things I will give myself permission to buy during the aforementioned shopping ban. Because they are BEAUTIFUL.

You know how last week I was feeling all panic-y and anxiety-ish and miserable? Well. I started exercising again, not to lose weight, mind you, just for the express purpose of knocking my ass out so that I could sleep. And, oh how it has worked! I have been sleeping like a log! A log I tell you. Now I don't want to lie to you, I am hoping to lose some poundage, but I'm not weighing myself obsessively and I still exercise even if when I do weigh myself my weight is higher that I'd like. Because sleep? Ooooooh, it's sooooooo good.

Because of the surgery that I have to have, I have to be on the pill. I haven't been on the pill in like, six years? Maybe seven? Anyhoodle, yesterday I went to the pharmacy to pick up my pills and FML, do you know how expensive birth control is? Forty effing dollars! Shut your mouth and say it isn't so! I about had a heart attack. And then today, when I took my first pill, I almost died when I read the side effects. Okay, so you won't have a baby, but you could gain weight (oh the irony!), get blood clots, get cancer, have dry eyeballs, blah, blah, blah. Oh, really? Great.

Snoopy, the other love of my life, is shedding chunks of hair. Like, I don't even need to brush him, because when I do brush him, he can't sit still and is looking at me and thinking:

Mommy, are we gonna play with that thing? Are you gonna throw it? Do I just have to grab it out of your hand? No? How about if I move to my left? To my right? How about if I just look at you? Are you almost done?

I can just grab the tufts of hair from his body. And. It. Never. Stops. Ever. Never.

I'm looking forward to oodles of fun this weekend! J and I are going to spend the day at the pool and then maybe go to the movies tomorrow. And Sunday, J is going away on business (boo! hiss! I'll miss him so much, but I'm a loner, and I can handle being by myself), and after I drop him off at the airport, I'm going to spend the day with some friends at the spa. That's right, cookies! One of my friends actually lives at the Canyon Ranch Hotel in Miami Beach. Mr. Moneybags has invited me and some other old school friends to be his guests and I. Can't. Wait.

Plus, tomorrow we find out who the winner of my surprise giveaway is! Can you handle it?

Tag, You're It

From the super sweet Angela Darling, who always leaves a thoughtful comment (I really look forward to those!) to my posts. And since it's all about me (obviously), I lurve her.

Share six unimportant things that make you happy:

1. Trying on shoes. I prefer trying on new shoes (like at the store), but I have so many pairs of lovelies that don't often get to see the light of day. I like putting them on and admiring my stems a la Cher.

2. Toffee bars. J and I got hooked on Symphony toffee bars. The bars (the big ones, anyway) have like, 1,000 calories. Delicious. Will I ever be skinny again? Never, apparently.

3. Reality tv. Bravo, what would I do without you? Die. Probably.

4. Twilight, the movie. Was it the best movie? No, not really. But I love watching it, especially the kissing scene. I could watch it over and over and over, and I do.

5. J's funny comments. Like this:

SC: Bub, we have like no money until next week because of the way our pay cycles fall this month. The drycleaning bill was $48! What are we going to do?
J: Well, at least it wasn't $1300.
SC: $1300? What are you talking about it? Why would our drycleaning bill be even close to $1300?
J: That's what you said.
SC: That's what I said? What are you talking about?
J: Don't you remember? On Saturday you said, "I'm taking so much stuff, it'll probably cost $1300. Or our first born child. Whatever comes first."
SC: Oh. That's pretty funny.
J: I thought so.

6. Sunshine. Nothing better than a sunny day without a cloud in the sky.

Technically, I've gotta tag some of y'all, but I'd rather not. If you've got the time, and you're so inclined -do it. It's super fun!

Facebook is the Devil

Okay. Here's the deal-i-o. I heart Facebook. Facebook totally satisfies my need for human interaction without the, um, actual interaction. Because let's face it, with my self-diagnosed social anxiety disorder and my pathological aversion to the phone, I am not the easiest person to be friends with. I mean, seriously. I've got quirks and idiosyncrasies up the ying-yang.

Anyhoodle. Facebook allows me to keep in touch and feel connected to people. I love the status updates, I spend lots of time going through photo albums, and sometimes, if I'm so inclined, I'll even comment on a status update. What can I say? I enjoy it.

Oh. But now? Now my work people have become my Facebook friends. At first, I just had my friend S, or as I like to call her, my work BFF. I tell her everything anyway, even the not so kosher stuff, so she's no problemo. And then there was B. Because she's leaving and moving upstate, I added her without a second thought.

Oh, but it never stops! I've added one other coworker and a parent (whom I love so it's not a big deal) and what's bugging me is that these people are friends with Mrs. LeDouchetard. And even though my profile is set to private, and I've changed all my photo settings to just FRIENDS, as opposed to FRIENDS & FRIENDS OF FRIENDS (eat your heart out ex-boyfriend), and FML I don't want everyone knowing my private business, and maybe (super paranoia kicking in) sharing it with that dumb bunny. It's lbeginning to feel ike that episode of Seinfeld where the gang starts hanging out with Susan, and it drives George crazy. "A Smart Cookie divided against herself CANNOT STAND!"

And then, the final straw. Being crazy, I (naturally) have an affinity for other crazies. And because like minds seek like minds, I am a crazy magnet. You know those parents that drive teachers crazy (not in a Mrs. Douchetard mean, nasty, I'm really a bitch way)? Those parents LOVE me. Why wouldn't they? I'm fluent in crazy. Anyhoodle, I have a parent I'll call, Mrs. Super Crazy, and she friend requests me this morning. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Oh. Hell. No.

Now, it's not that I don't like Mrs. Super Crazy. But I have to draw the line somewhere. There's work Smart Cookie. And there's non-work Smart Cookie. And this whole thing is making me bananas. I don't want to have to worry about work in my free time. Gosh, have you not read this blog at all? I worry all the time anyway! I don't need any extra piled on.

So what should I do? Should I just start deleting people? Help!

Off The Wagon

Confession Time: I am totally off the no-shopping wagon. With a vengeance, cookies. Like a Die Hard vengeance. But rather than wallow in my relapse, I'm going to let y'all benefit. Now, isn't that super sweet of me?

K. So today I went to the mall under the pretense of buying my niece a present for her birthday, which is on Monday (can I get a what-what? no? okay then). I started at Forever 21, duh. It's like my equivalent of a crack den. A little disappointed in the selection, but I bought myself a little dress (that I needed like a hole in the head), a yellow sweater (because I loved the color), and some dangly earrings.

Voila. These I seriously heart.

I immediately had buyer's remorse (for the clothes). But too late. Once that credit card goes through, it's all about the store credit.

Then, I went to Love Culture. Which I don't really dig. It's like a tackier Forever 21, but I found this dress in yellow, and in the perfect length, and for $12.80! Shut your mouth and say it isn't so!

THEN, I went to Charlotte Russe, which I never ever go to, but I had seen something from Charlotte Russe in either Lucky or People StyleWatch, and I thought I'd give it a whirl. It was a bust, but you win some, you lose some.

So you'd think I'd be done, right? Oh, cookies, do you not know me at all?

Next stop: Kmart. To be honest, I was only going to Kmart to buy a float for the pool and a book, but while I was there, I got distracted by the clothes. Yes, cookies. THE CLOTHES. Kmart actually had some pretty cute stuff. The prices were a little, eh. I mean, for some reason, I expected Kmart to be super cheap. Like $3 cheap. But. But it's not that cheap. Anyhoodle, I tried on a bunch of stuff, but I only walked with a super cute pair of yellow and white short shorts. On sale. $12.49!

Deep sigh. That was it. I hope you've learned something. At the very least I hope you come away with the knowledge that Kmart doesn't suck. At least not completely.

K. Time to get back on the wagon.

P.S. If you have not entered my surprise giveaway -what the heck are you waiting for? It's free for goodness sakes. Get it together, and just do it!

Free Presents? Yes, Please.

Because I've been feeling muchos better, I thought it would be fun to have a surprise giveaway. I stole this super fun idea from Lesli (who's totally adorable, and one of those people that the only bad thing you can say about them is that they are just too frickin' adorable), and even though I didn't win her giveaway(boo! hiss!), the possibility of winning was tres exciting.

So here are the rules:

Leave me a comment with your favorite movie quote by Friday, June 12th. I'll announce the winner on Saturday, June 13th. Here's the good news. Only a few people read this blog (I wish it were more, but it's good for you!) so you have a really good chance of winning!

And what will you win, pray tell? Well, I'm not sure yet. But it will be an assortment of goodies that you'll receive in the mail. And it's free!

So what are you waiting for?

Let the fun begin!

Panic Button

I've always joked about being crazy, but this week, I've really felt crazy -like the lock me up in a padded cell, take away all sharp objects, put on the fuzzy mittens, and medicate me crazy. That kinda crazy.

Let me fill you in.

I can't go to sleep at night because my mind is racing. Filled with stupid, random, inconsequential thoughts. Thoughts that I cannot turn off. Thoughts that prevent me from sleeping when my body is crying for sleep. This is the only thing I'm thinking about when my mind is racing, "For the love of God -shut the eff up!" But I can't. And I don't. So I don't sleep.

This new development (recent, even though I've suffered from insomnia in the past) has caused me to dread sleep, or the lack thereof, and I've had to resort to taking Tylenol PM. I'm not taking it every night, but I've taken it twice this week because I needed to sleep.

And when I'm awake, besides being exhausted -obviously, I'm anxious, panic-y, short of breath, and feeling like I'm about to suffocate. Throw in a bit of brief, but hysterical crying jags, and all signs point to NO FUN.

I'm a mess, right? During the day, it's my body that's freaking the frig out, and at night it's my big ol' brain that just WON'T STOP.

Depression and anxiety run in my family. I've had episodes before, but this time, I'm a little worried.

I've talked to J about it (I feel normal when I'm with him, but unless I'm planning on skinning him and wearing him like a coat, I can't depend on him making me feel better), and I've told him that if I don't feel like myself next week, I'm going to see a doctor, which he is really not pleased about. He doesn't want me to feel like this, but the thought of being medicated makes him nervous. Understandable. But the thought of living like this makes me nervous.

Because I like to joke about having my finger on the panic button, but actually having my finger on the panic button is a total bitch.

Genius! In theory, of course....

So this recession sucks, right? And everybody and their mother is looking for ways to make some extra smackaroonies -and this cookie is no exception. I've tried to sell stuff on ebay -a big FU to the person who bid on my crap and never contacted me about payment, and I've thought about selling everything -Dove Chocolate, Mary Kay, Avon, but... bleh. Not super interested.

I have a friend who sells Dove Chocolate, and for an initial investment of $100, you make 25% of everything you sell. Cool, no? I mean chocolate is a multi-million dollar industry. A sure thing. Um, yes, but. But, when I buy chocolate, I buy it at our local grocery store. I don't buy it at a chocolate party. And guess who would be hosting these chocolate parties? Me, that's who. Which is not really the problem. But it's a lot of work. Mostly because I wouldn't be selling candy bars, I'd be selling chocolate products. And I'd have to make all the stuff. Can we say hello 10 pounds, goodbye any pants sans elastic waists? Not for me. A la soup nazi, NEXT!

Mary Kay works similarly, but after the initial investment, you make 50% of everything you sell. Great, right? Well, in theory. Who uses Mary Kay? I buy most of my makeup at the drugstore.

And Avon? They have cute stuff. But I'm just not really interested. You might as well be asking me to sell water filters. Bleh.

Plus! The problem with all of these is that I'd be harrassing my friends and family to buy stuff from me just to, well, buy stuff from me.

And then, like the heavens opening up, it hit me!

I am passionate about clothes. What if, I could find a direct sales company for clothes? I know, right? Effing GENIUS! I love clothes, I love shopping, I love helping people shop for clothes, I love it ALL! I could even transform my little used dining room into a dressing area, complete with mirrors, rolling racks, and a changing room. It would be adorable!

But after some research, the only clothing companies that are direct sales clothing companies are too expensive and a little stuffy. I mean, if I don't spend $100 on a dress, there's no way that I would convince anyone else to do so. Plus, with Forever 21? Forget it. I'd need to find cute stuff priced between $30 - $60.

Deep sigh. Back to the drawing board.

Really?

So I'm on polyvore, trying to make a cute set to post to the blog for an entry I'm writing, and I can't get the stupid thing to publish, when I accidentally stumble on to an e-mail I received. Exciting, right? Maybe it's from a fan. Someone who loved my two previous sets so much, she just had to write me a little note of adoration.

No.

It's this e-mail:
smartcookie♥ wrote 16 days ago Reply Block smartcookie♥ View conversation (1)
hi its SMARTCOOKIE can u plz change your name cuz its the SAME as mine!! i dont wanna be mean but i like to be different and i dont like when people TAKE my ideas or NAMES!!!!

Oh, hell to the no!

That's like me being pissed with Claudia Schiffer for taking my name. Um, yes, Claudia? Can you please change your name because it's the same as mine. What? Huh? No.

So I wrote back:
How do you know that you didn't take MY idea or name? I'm not going to change my name, but you can change your name, since you like to be different.

Stupid grammatically challenged teenybopper. She can go suck it for all I care.