Is It Supposed to Feel Like I'm Peeing Hot Magma?

Surgery Recap:

I don't think this pill is going to work.
So I had my surgery on Tuesday, and as y'all know, I've been worrying about it for weeks, and that worrying hit a feverish pitch on Tuesday morning. Surgery was originally scheduled for 7:30 a.m., but I was called on Monday and told that it was pushed back until 11:30, which bothered me to no end, because duh, in my makes no sense brain, by 11:30, I would've already been done with surgery so pushing it back was interfering with the space/time continuum.

Plus, even though I was allowed to take my anxiety pill, I was anxious as all get out (hello? tube down my throat), and I had an argument with J before my mom picked me up, which ended with me snappily snipping, "I love you, bye!" Not the way I wanted to go into surgery. But, hello? I was nervous. Why was he antagonizing me? Why? For the love of all that's good and holy, why?

There's a hose that warms your butt while you wait.
I was admitted at about a quarter to ten. I had to change into a dressing gown and pull my hair back into a sexy little shower cap. This, plus my glasses and no make-up, obviously made me irresistible. Hospital chic, if you will. Because the facility is chilly, they've got these super cool hoses that you can put in a small hole in your gown and warm your butt! Or, um, the rest of your body if you so choose.

In the twenty years I've been doing this, it's never happened, and I don't expect you to be the first.

Mmmmmkay? My anesthesiologist's reaction when I asked him if he was sure, really, really sure, that I wouldn't wake up during the procedure.

Can you sign here, please? Things That Can Go Wrong -infertility, punctured lung, punctured bladder, blah, blah, blah.
WTF? Yeah, I signed it, but not before telling the nurse, "I'm going to be really pissed if this procedure makes me infertile. Just so you know. I'm here to work on getting a baby."

Oh. My. Word. I'm over it. Just roll me in.
I didn't go into surgery until 12:15, and by then I was soooo ready. It was like, just cut me up and get it taken care of, I don't even care if I'm awake.

What? It's over already?
All I remember is being rolled in and seeing all the white lights and hearing the music on the stereo and thinking how very Nip/Tuck it all was. Then I remember the IV feeling all boily in my hand, and when I said something I could taste the anesthesia in my mouth. And then I woke up all groggy and it was over.

Lava from my loins.
Once I woke up, the nurse asked if I needed to go to the bathroom. I was super surprised that it was really hard for me to walk, and I was super shocked when I peed and it felt like I was peeing hot magma. Did I sign up for a urinary tract infection? Apparently, it was just the catheter they had inserted to empty my bladder. Fun times.

My vagina is on vacation.
And other things I can't do. Bedrest for a few day. No exercise, sex, tampons (yeah, right), pool, beach or jacuzzi. The pool part is the only part that made me sad. I love the pool. I like the sex, too, don't get me wrong, but -doctor's orders!

Feeling good, feeling fine.
I felt awesome after surgery and had very little pain. The only side effect was the pain in my shoulders and chest every time I stood up, but that subsided after the first day.

My belly buton is taped up, that's where the doctor went in to check my tubes, and the tape will fall off by itself. I usually sleep on my belly, so on the first night I slept on my back because I was scared the tape would fall off and my guts would fall out. Drama, much?

I also have a cut a couple of inches below my belly button and above my baby hole, where the doctor went in to take out the polyp in my uterine cavity.

So far, everything is good. And I'm so grateful to my family and friends for their love, prayers, and well wishes.

Hope springs eternal.
I didn't speak to the doctor after surgery, because duh, I was incoherent, but he did speak to my mamacita. He took the polyp out and found that I did have some endometriosis, even though I never had any symptoms. And he cleaned up my girly parts.

So here's my wish. To the universe and to God. I would love to have a baby. And I hope this helps.