The Green-Eyed Monster

I am an uber competitive person. Trust me, I was pissed when my mother told me she loved my brother, my sister and me ALL THE SAME.

Why?

I felt that as the oldest, I put in way more time helping out, being a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, blah, blah, blah.

And to be honest, that's just the way I naturally am. I'm a HUGE people pleaser. But I think part of being a huge people pleaser is expecting to please people. Duh. And if I please people, my twisted logic is that they should love me more. Stupid, unrealistic. Cookies, I've been to therapy over this.

Anyhoodle, I have to work really hard to beat this demon down when he rears his ugly, little head.

Literally, talk myself off the ledge.

Like, when I find out someone's pregnant. AGAIN. Or someone gets a really great gift. Or someone tells me they have a maid. The list could go on and on and basically has anything that anyone has that I don't on it.

The only reason I'm sharing this (because this emotion is so ugly) is because I hope that by writing it down, I can purge some of the hideousness that is lodged like a lump in my throat and has made me cry like a little bitch most of the day.

I'm trying to put on my big girl panties, cookies. But it's hard.

Want to tell me your ugly, little secret? It'll make me feel better.