I'm in LOVE...

How cute are these shoes? Too cute, right? They're from the Gap and they're only $39.50.

Oh, yes. One of these lovelies will be mine.

Forget It

I ate almost a whole bag/box of cookies today.

Save me from myself.

The Moment of Truth

Oh. My. Word. I weigh 136 pounds. Fat butt, much?

Today I received this month's issue of Self , and it had some mucho bueno info. about "dieting" and losing weight. It detailed the changes your body goes through and what to expect during the first few days, weeks, and months of losing weight.

My body responds really well to eating well and exercising, as evidenced by losing about four pounds (water weight, but weight is weight) during spring break. Unfortunately, the amount of food and alcohol I consumed during the weekend, and the subsequent week, brought that number on the scale, right back UP.

I ate lots better today, but I didn't exercise. :( J was home early, and I didn't sleep well last night. So when I came home from work, I took a nap. Delicious.

*Deep sigh.

What can I tell you?

I'll keep you posted.

Two Weeks Notice

Nope, I'm not quitting -you crazy? Not in this recession!

I'm giving my fat two weeks notice. My brother is getting married on May 2nd. For weeks I've told myself that I'm going to get my jiggly bits into gear (I did really well during spring break, but last week was a DISASTER), but rather than following any kind of regimen, I've been having an eating orgy and feeding Mr. Pudge with reckless abandon.

I'm not heavy by any means, so it's not like I'm Hulk-ing it out of my clothes (even though my pants are so snug I'm worried about the buttons breaking free from their buttonhole prison). But my dress was a little snug around my hips, and I'm worried. Very worried.

So for the next twelve days, I've gottta kick it into high gear. Running, spinning, squats, lunges, bicep curls. No processed foods. Fruits, vegetables, eggs, steak, salad, chicken.

How much weight do you think I can lose? Is ten pounds too lofty of a goal? How about five? I can do five, right? Tomorrow I'll post my weight. Oh, my -the horror.

Confessions of a Reformed Shopaholic

Yep, you read correctly!

Here's what led to my epiphany:

I gave up shopping for Lent, and I'm proud to say that except for a necklace -which I gave myself permission to buy to accessorize a dress I was wearing to a wedding (which ironically enough I did not even wear), I did not buy myself any shoes, clothes or accessories.

It was definitely a difficult challenge, especially during the last two weeks when I was just all cracked out salivating to buy something. And I swear that if it wasn't because I promised God, I would've totally fallen off the wagon. But I really learned a lot about myself and why I shop.

Um, I don't really need a reason to shop, but being stressed (even if it's stress caused by our finances) is the largest catalyst for shopping.

I like stuff. I like looking cute. And I can justify my spending because I am not spending large amounts. Why shouldn't I buy a cute dress? It's only $20! Why shouldn't I buy these shoes? They're on sale! They make my calves look awesome! I'll find something to wear them with! Why shouldn't I buy this top? I can wear it everywhere!

But these justifications are exactly why I have no money. I mean granted, our financial picture is more complicated than this, but if I analyze my shopping, I can freely admit that I could be saving $75 - $100/month. And while that's a small amount, that small amount x 12 is a nice bit of change. Because it's more than zero.

And anything more than zero is a good thing, right?

Anyhoodle, back to this Lent business. I'm not going to lie. I bought a bunch of books, a shitload of candles (my house smells delicious, cookies -DE-LI-CIOUS), and a bunch of home accessories. However, this was not against the law.

Here's what I'm doing:

I buy myself a lot of stuff for the life I wish I had. But really? I don't need any more heels. I don't need any more sassy little dresses. Whenever I don't buy something, for whatever reason, I'm going to transfer that bit to savings. I'll keep a monthly log, and I'll post the total at the end of the month.

I get a gazillion catalogs in the mail. Constantly going through catalogs is a recipe for disaster because if I like something, I can look at it over and over again, and I can somehow convince myself that I need it. So. I'm still going to look at the catalogs, just for fun. But once I'm done, they go in the trash.

I subscribe to a bunch of magazines, but I've let some of my subscriptions lapse. For example, I love Lucky, but really? This cookie can't afford those clothes. I can't even afford the clothes in the budget issue. So no more. Especially no more gossip magazines. I can read them while I stand in line at the grocery store or when I go to the bookstore, which I totally plan on doing more often because....

I'm not going to be buying any more books. I'm going to beg my friends for books, borrow books from the library, or steal books from the bookstore. Well, not really steal per se. I'm just going to read books at the bookstore.

I'm going to read everything I can about personal finance. Right now I'm reading Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. At the bookstore, of course.

I'm trying to sell crap on ebay (nobody has bid on this crap, but I have one watcher and hopefully it'll sell) and craigslist.org. I'm going to list something new every seven days, and any money I make will go straight into savings until I get a teeny cushion.

I'm looking for a part-time job. I'll keep you posted on this. I'd love to work 10-15 hours/week at $10 (minimum)/hour. I'm applying to anything and everything, so we'll see.

I'm looking for new car and home0wner's insurance. I'm going to get the lowest, bestest price. And I'm going to do my research because I want my money to work for me.

Now. This doesn't mean that I'm never going to buy myself anything. I love pretty things and I've bought myself some stuff since the end of Lent. I'm just saying that I'm much more aware of what I'm buying, and I'm much more honest about my motivation for buying an item. Not shopping for 40 days has really changed my internal dialogue.

So that's that. I'm excited. Let's get this bitch started!

Free Money!

Say what?

So. It's no secret that I'm trying to make some extra smackaroonies. In the course of my internet travels, I came across the ebates website.

It's this fricking awesome website where you can earn cash back (shut your mouth and say it is so!) for buying stuff online from like a gazillion different online stores, like Bloomingdales, The Gap, Walgreens, VisionWorks, Petco, and on and on and on. You can even get rebates for booking hotels and cars, buying vacation packages -the list is ENDLESS! Plus, they GUARANTEE the lowest prices.

Now, I don't buy too many things online (especially now that I am SERIOUSLY cutting back, which is hard because Cookie's gotta live), but you get $5 bucks just for signing up. That's FIVE FREE DOLLARS! And then! And then, I can make $5 more dollars by referring people to the website! It's a win-win situation!

Interested? Help a cookie out and click here:

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=vK5kwqGDgVBEhjhOv0yCjg%3D%3D

You're welcome!

And thank you in advance for the free money.

Part-Time Lover

I'm slightly over my mini-meltdown. Slightly.

I've decided that I need to get a part-time job. I need a job that allows me to work nights and/or weekends and pays at least $10/hour. Hey, every little bit helps.

I'm currently checking job sites like monster and careerbuilder for part-time employment. I've also been scouring the internet looking for legit money-making opportunities.

I 'd love to be a dog walker or personal space/closet organizer or even a babysitter. But the truth is, in this economy, with people cutting back, there's really no market for those jobs.

I'm even considering going all Cocktail and going to bartending school.
Couldn't you see me doing this? I so could!

But those places don't advertise their course costs online. You've gotta call. And I really hate talking to people on the phone. Plus, the idea is to make money, not spend it.

I think my best bet is just to continue pursuing opportunities at Kaplan and The Princeton Review.

Any suggestions? I'm willing to try almost anything.

My next stop is strapping a mattress on my back and standing on the corner.

Just kidding. Kinda.

Pack It Up

I'm in a little bit of a funk right now. A little overwhelmed with my life, specifically our financial situation.

I'd like to pack it all up, sell it, and get the hell out of dodge.

But I know that that's not the answer.

What prompted this little meltdown? We were blessed enough to come into a wee bit of money, and it has to go toward debt. On the one hand, I'm grateful that I have this extra bit of moola to put toward our bills. On the other hand, I'm frustrated that our previous financial missteps don't allow us to enjoy this little windfall.

J and I have been in an unfortunate cycle over the last three and a half years. A BIG part of it is circumstantial -job losses (hello, four months of being unemployed), lower incomes, blah, blah, blah. But part of it is a result of "violent spending". That's a direct quote from J. Now, we're not popping bottles of Cristal or buying flat-screen T.V.'s, but every little bit adds up. I completely accept full responsibility for the financial decisions that put us where we are today.

But, cookies? It sucks. We're in a holding pattern. It's not that I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that at this point, the light is a teeny, tiny sliver of light that I really have to squint to see.

I'm trying to slowly implement some of the strategies advocated by FB, and I'm also getting this book.

And I've applied to both Kaplan and the Princeton Review to see if I can get a part-time job as an S.A.T. or GRE tutor. Working for either of these two companies would be great because the money would be worth it ($17 - $25/hour, which I think is awesome for part-time work) and the hours are flexibile, mostly nights or weekends. Getting a job and then working 10 hours/week would be a huge help, and it would still allow me to maintain my current job.

Deep sigh. I just want things to change.

Lady of Leisure

I am totally loving being on spring break and being a self-proclaimed lady of leisure.

Let's list the PROS:

*My house is clean! No, really! You could come over without calling, and I wouldn't have to ask you to wait outside for 30 minutes while I swept, mopped, and tidied! YOU COULD COME OVER UNANNOUNCED!

*I make dinner every night. And nothing that's prepackaged either! No Lean Cuisine, or sandwich, or cereal! Real food. And vegetables. EVERY night.

*I'm eating better. Goodness! I thought being at home all day would send me into a cookie/candy/ice cream eating tizzy. But no! I've been eating every 2-3 hourse, and I've lost weight. I'm sure it's just water weight, but let me tell you this: I weighed 134 on Monday, AND TODAY I WEIGHED 130.5! It might be because I'm getting my period. I know it doesn't really make sense, but I always feel that my body goes into overdrive, burning ridiculous calories as it prepares to shed my uterine lining.

*I can exercise. Because I'm not tired all the damn time! And I have no excuses. Because I've got ALL DAY!

*I can run all my errands on my own time. I don't have to rush after school or during the weekend. I've got all the time in the world, cookies. No hurries, no worries. Nice.

*I'm relaxed. Well, shucks! How could I not be? But I definitely had to mention it as a PRO.

Now for the major suck-olas:

*I might get a bit lazy. Today there was a Season 2 Joan of Arcadia marathon on the SciFi channel, and I totally would've watched it (if I didn't need to get my nails done or work on my tan -I'm not entirely kidding).

*The shopping ban has prevented me from spending copious amounts of money, but if I were doing this whole business without Lent saving me from my self, I'd probably be dropping dollars.

*Unless other people are off, it can get a little boring. No one to play with and all.

*Oh, yeah, AND BECAUSE I NEED TO WORK OR WE WOULD BE LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Hmmf. So the CONS definitely make me a little sad-face. Well, only the last one really. But I've really enjoyed my spring break.

And maybe someday....

Spring Cleaning

Despite my overwhelming emotional ugliness, I have begun spring cleaning my petit chez. I'm totally loving cleaning and dusting and straightening my cabinets and drawers. It's been cathartic, and even though I'm far from done, I've made some great progress.

I'm almost done with the kitchen and family room -I still have one cabinet and four drawers (Gosh, that sounds like a lot!) and then I can move on to the other common areas, which thankfully do not have any cabinets or drawers.

To be fair, I've been moving stuff around. Like, um, some of the mess in the family room (which looks fantastic!) was my clothes (I have a messy habit of undressing in the family room -hey, I've gotten fatter, my clothes are very binding), and I just moved them to the living room. Plus, there are two loads of laundry in the living room waiting to be folded (my mother and my mother-in-law would die, DIE, if they came over).

I really feel like a messy space can wreak havoc on your emotional state. And duh, since my emotional state is so precarious to begin with, and my house is most definitely messy, I think it's a dangerous combination.

I'm hoping to do a little bit every day, maybe a room or two so that I don't get overwhelmed. My bathroom is a bacteria infested germ-hole which will definitely take one day. And I'll definitely post pictures of the beauty when I'm done.

The Green-Eyed Monster

I am an uber competitive person. Trust me, I was pissed when my mother told me she loved my brother, my sister and me ALL THE SAME.

Why?

I felt that as the oldest, I put in way more time helping out, being a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear, blah, blah, blah.

And to be honest, that's just the way I naturally am. I'm a HUGE people pleaser. But I think part of being a huge people pleaser is expecting to please people. Duh. And if I please people, my twisted logic is that they should love me more. Stupid, unrealistic. Cookies, I've been to therapy over this.

Anyhoodle, I have to work really hard to beat this demon down when he rears his ugly, little head.

Literally, talk myself off the ledge.

Like, when I find out someone's pregnant. AGAIN. Or someone gets a really great gift. Or someone tells me they have a maid. The list could go on and on and basically has anything that anyone has that I don't on it.

The only reason I'm sharing this (because this emotion is so ugly) is because I hope that by writing it down, I can purge some of the hideousness that is lodged like a lump in my throat and has made me cry like a little bitch most of the day.

I'm trying to put on my big girl panties, cookies. But it's hard.

Want to tell me your ugly, little secret? It'll make me feel better.

Can You Spare Some Change?

Hi! So. If you know me at all, you know that I hate change. Me and change are like carrots and chocolate. We just don't mix. But let me tell you how I really feel about it, right?

One time J came grocery shopping with me and he wanted to start shopping in the produce section instead of the dairy aisle. Um, no. We always start in the dairy aisle. Always. I can't handle change. My brain just doesn't work like that.

Anyhoodle, I put up a major fuss, and to shut me the hell up, we bought our groceries just like God and nature intended -by starting in the dairy aisle.

So when all the elementary teachers were called into an informal meeting with our principal, and she prefaced by saying her decision would only affect S, the third grade teacher, and me, and that she hoped we would accept what she was about to tell us because we really had no choice, I began to panic.

Here's the 411. Because of the low enrollment, the principal has had to make some tough decisions. For shizzle, cookies, the only thought racing through my brain was that they were going to pack my bags and send my ass to high school p -ronto.

But back to the story. The administration has decided to combine second and third grade, and they have decided that S is going to teach this combination class. Oh, yes. But what about moi?

And, I?

I would be moved to fifth grade.

Hmmmm. Let's think about this.

I'm not so bothered. It's a new curriculum, duh. More advanced material, yay! My devil class from two years ago, hmmm. But all in all, I'm kinda excited.

I was feeling really burnt out. Mr. & Mrs. LeDouchetard made my year a misery, and although my class only has seven students, they are always fighting and arguing with each other. More than usual, cookies. More than anyone should have to stand, to be honest.

I was stuck in a rut. I was bored and unchallenged. And if I'm honest, I've been phoning it in for the last few months.

So that's it. I hate change.

But this? I'm really feeling it.

Yay for me!