Just Breathe...

It's funny that I never really thought about breathing until I realized that I wasn't very good at it. Because that's the first thing people tell you to do when you're on the ledge and hyperventilating and wondering what the apex of crazy can possibly be because you feel that each time you couldn't get any crazier, which is of course an illusion, because you know that the next level of crazy is going to be, hands down, bigger and badder than the last.

But I digress.

Last night I went to my first counseling session, which was absolutely lovely and awesome and informative, and really, just what I needed. One of the things I plan to work on is connecting my mind and body.

Which really sounds super easy, no? I mean, it's not like you need to tell your body how to function. But when I spiral into my ninth circle, I feel like my mind is a freight train and my body is in limbo, at the mercy of an out of control lunatic (me, I'm that lunatic).

So. One of my homework assignments is to practice breathing, which, for all that I do it (breathe, that is), takes LOADS of effort. I didn't even realize how shallow my breaths were until I started taking deep breaths, which honestly sometimes leave me out of breath. That's how bad I am at this whole breathing business.

Okay, so here's how it works (in case you were wondering if all your years of automatic breathing have prepared you) Deep breath in (while counting to four to engage my mind and stop the racing thoughts), deep breath out (while still counting to four).

Anyhoodle, last night I was so into breathing while driving that I ran a red light. Like, totally. It wasn't even green when I noticed it.*

I'm supposed to do it before stressful situations, while in a stressful situation, or just to relax. I'm pretty much doing it whenever I remember. In fact, last night I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. But I started breathing and lo and behold -out like a light.

Now if I could just get a baby in this belly. :) But I'm giving it time. For now.

*Note to Self: Breathing should only be done in controlled environments. :)