My Girl Likes to Party All the Time

• Today J asked me if I wanted him to wrap empty boxes so that it would feel as if we were exchanging gifts. When I said no, he said he'd be willing to wrap clothes from my closet. His theory being that it would still be a surprise when I opened the box. I love that silly boy.
• I bought some bathing suits for my secret Santa, and OH. My. Word. They are teeny, tiny. The rep. at Victoria's Secret said that a smedium was equivalent to a size 10-12, and since my secret Santa is an 8 at her heaviest, I ordered a small bikini bottom. Bad, bad decision. Why did I listen to her? We all have big butts! It looks like it's from the children's department. So sad-face. But I'm wrapping it up with the order form, and she can return it because the last thing I want to do is start all over.
• Today, my grandmother, who has been sick and often threatens to die and refuses to eat (she literally spits out her food), told my grandfather that she wanted to live long enough to see my baby born. It really made me smile. Until she started praying about how happy we would all be when my cousin C got pregnant. Did I mention she sometimes forgets things? Like that it's me that needs the baby, and it's C that would like to get married?
• Yesterday I made a wreath (with these two hands!) by myself! I was in a zone when I made it because I totally do not have the patience for that Martha Stewart crap. But it came out really pretty, and it was completely free! It's hanging in my beautiful house.
• My house looks amazing. I have a real tree, and I have a fake tree, and I have wreaths, and I have stars, and there are lights everywhere, and -oh, I just wish it could look like this all the time!
• I'm still worried about my life, but I'm doing pretty well day by day. And that is making me happy. :)

Everything Is Temporary, Anyway....

Last month, I stopped taking my crazy pills, and the results were muchos no bueno. Like any crazy person, I had been feeling better (and I didn't want to go back to my devil doctor) so I decided to stop taking my pills.

Bad, bad life decision.

I felt completely untethered and irrational. My emotions were all over the place. Happy, sad. Highs, lows. And absolutely nothing in between. My moods were, to quote Forest, "like a box of chocolates". You never knew what you were going to get. That compounded with my baby hysteria resulted in a maltov cocktail of insanity that was brutal. Bru. Tal. I hadn't told anyone that I had stopped taking my meds, and when my mom and J found out, the pieces of the puzzle came together, and they were, what I like to call, not so happy.

I've been back on them for the last two weeks, and I feel better already. This month has been stressful, our finances are tight, and duh, it's Christmas. J and I won't be exchanging gifts because we're poor, and we've just managed to buy everyone else a present, thanks partly to Macy's and Victoria's Secret, and sometimes things seem a little Charlie Brown.

But, everything is temporary.

Here's to keeping calm and carrying on.

Muchos Kissos,
Smart Cookie

It's Like 10,000 Spoons, When All You Need is a Knife

My weekend was pretty much a crapfest of crying huge, wet, salty tears and consoling myself with high calorie fatty foods that have added considerably to my breasts and my (now) bubble butt, and unfortunately to my belly, making Mr. Pudge, MR. PUDGE.

But for some sunshine on this cloudy day:

1. My last day of school before Christmas break is Friday, December 18th. Off for two WHOLE weeks!
2. I have the week of Christmas off at my night job -AND I STILL GET PAID!
3. I wanted these shoes, and I actually went to buy them at Macy's this weekend. Apparently, Christmas shopping for others means I have to buy something for myself on each trip. Anyhoodle, I had a 25% off Friends and Family coupon, but Macy's had sold out. I contemplated driving to another mall, but I figured it was not meant to be. Until. Until I got a Steve Madden email for 30% off PLUS FREE SHIPPING! It was a sign, I tell you. I'll be getting this babies this week.
4. My husband, who loves me and has suffered my ridiculous mood swings (I'm all about the valley or the mountain, no stable plains for me), not only put all the Christmas lights outside, but also put the lights on the tree.
5. My FF (Favorite Friend) called to check up on me, and what can I say? I'm so happy that we're friends.

That's it for now. The goal is to work on staying in the present and letting the future worry about itself. We'll see how that goes.

When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you...

Baby shower blues.

Because lately, deep, deep, deep down, I've been feeling like it's not going to happen for me. I'm going to be 34 in five weeks. I've been married for nine years. I am way behind.

And today especially, I don't think that I am going to win this race. :(

Because I'm an Idiot, the Cliff's Notes Version

I have not been blogging regulary because my phone line has been "down". And by "down" I mean "disconnected," which I only found out today (after three months of not having either a landline or the internet) because I want J to start looking for a new job. STAT.

Deep sigh.

On a positive note, I'm calling tomorrow (that division of customer service was closed at 9 P.M.), and getting it all taken care of.

Seriously. Sometimes I amaze myself. And not in the good way.

But to be fair, I've been suffering from the H1NI of the emotional variety and any posts between then and now would've have gone something like this, blah, blah, blah, hate my life, blah, blah, blah, want a baby, blah, blah, blah, I'm so fat, blah, blah, blah, miserable, blah, blah, blah.

At least now that I'm feeling a little better, you'll get the misery with a dash of humor. Can we say, me likey?

To make you giggle until then, here's a little fact about myself. Sometimes, when I can't find a rubberband or a clip to put my hair up, I go to my panty drawer and use one of my thongs. Just around the house, mind you. Not in public or anything.

It'll be like I never left.