What Hurts the Most....

is getting so close. And other rambity rambles from the recesses of my mind.

1. I've been getting my period for the past twenty-two years like clockwork. In fact, I got my period like a Tampax commercial at a pool party when I was eleven. And very rarely have I ever been late. Ever. Except of course for this past weekend, where I had the heartbreaking misfortune of thinking that I might maybe have been pregnant. And of course, I wasn't. And really, ever since the doctor told me last fall that my chances of getting pregnant were pretty much negligible unless we were counting miracles, I never let myself get too upset. But thinking that I might have been pregnant and realizing that I wasn't, broke me. Broke. Me. I don't think I've cried so hard in years. Because it wasn't the fact that I got my period. It was that I had let myself entertain the hope that maybe I would have a baby and all the good things that would come with it. Cue the violins. No, seriously. Cue the violins. It was bad.
2. Which was made worse (way worse) when I facebooked an old flame and saw a picture of him with his baby (which I did purposely because I accidentally found out he had a baby and I wanted to see if he changed his profile pic). Hello, old flame holding your deliciously adorable baby in a dragon costume. Hello, smart cookie, welcome to your ninth circle.
3. This weekend I ate as if I were going to go into hibernation. Most of it was sadness. And let me tell you, it was brutal. I've been eating relatively well, but when I weighed myself today, I weighed even MORE than my fattest self TWO WEEKS AGO.
4. I have all of Thanksgiving week off! Only nine more workdays -8.5 if you count the fact that next Friday is a half-day. I can't wait. I plan to clean my house and organize my closet, which looks like a mild episode of Hoarders.
5. And the shopping. Oh. My. Word. I need to reign it in. I need to put everything away and assess. I don't even know if I fit in to stuff I bought weeks ago.
6. Which brings me to the following dilemma. I know that I am not fat, per se. However, I keep holding on to the hope that I will lose the weight. And I obviously haven't. Should I get rid of my skinny pants? :(
7. I bought this Argon Hair Oil at Sally Beauty Supply. Supposedly, it's really similar to Moroccan Hair Oil. Anyhoodle, it's really good. My hair had been really dry and my stylist told me I needed to condition it more often. The bottle cost me $9 bucks, and it's awesome. Awesome.
8. The Blind Side. Omg. I never thought that I would be such a sucker for that movie. But I'm falling for it. Hook. Line. Sinker. The best part was that J said he really wanted to see it, too. Good.
9. New Moon comes out next week. I am ashamed at how excited I am. I am even more ashamed that I like that cute little wolf boy. For heaven's sake he's not even LEGAL. But he is adorable. I might have to change my allegiance it's that bad.
10. Got a manicure and pedicure on Saturday in Essie's Bahama Mama. It's the darkest that I've ever done my nails. I also got a massage. Total Deliciousness. Until. Until I went to get the mail and my massage oil feet slipped out from under me AND I TOTALLY ATE THE PAVEMENT. Oh, and I also scratched my pedicure. Thank the good Lord no one saw me eat concrete. .
11. La, la, la. That's it for now.