Crazy Talk

Please enjoy random and amusing quotes from my beloved DNA.

Before my surgery:
Smart Cookie Mother: Remember when I hated your father?


Smart Cookie Mother: I found these great chairs at Marshall's so I told your dad to guard them while I went to the bathroom and while I was walking away I saw someone walking toward the chairs and looking at the prices so I ran back and told him, "Hey, these are my chairs!", and he said, "But I only want one!", and I said, "Too bad! They're mine!", and the manager was watching me argue with this guy, and I told the manager, "Look, if I have to fight for those chairs, I will. And let me tell you, I'll win. I'm taking these chairs home."


To my mother after learning that she got into an argument with the hospital staff taking care of my nana.
Smart Cookie: Mom, please promise me that I will never have to bail you out of jail.


Smart Cookie Brother (when he was very young): Man! That's the biggest cat I've ever seen!
Note: It was a goat.


Smart Cookie Grandmother: Sometimes your grandfather drives me so crazy I just want to put him outside by the mailbox with a big ribbon on his head and see if anyone will take him!


Smart Cookie Sister: I bet you her boyfriend's coming, too.

Smart Cookie Sister's Boyfriend: Okay, I'll bet you (some sex act I was happy I didn't hear, la, la, la, la, la) that he won't come.

Smart Cookie Sister: Okay, if I win I want you to rub my back for an entire show.
Deal and they shake on it.

(Boyfriend shows up)

Smart Cookie Sister: Ha! I win!

Smart Cookie Sister's Boyfriend: No, no! We were just kidding!

Smart Cookie Sister: But we shaked on it!

Smart Cookie Sister's Boyfriend: I know we shooked on it, but I didn't know what we were shaking for.

Laughing so hard I'm crying in the backseat. Shaked and shooked! And my sister's going to be a doctor!


Smart Cookie Father: Yeah, I can hear so much better with this hearing aid. I can even hear my hair rustling in the wind. And if I can't hear, the hearing aid is connected to a satellite and a voice says, "Hey, you son of a bitch, can you hear this?"


In a conversation comparing the girl cousins and the boy cousins:
Smart Cookie Cousin M: What's the point of being good? We're the ones who actually work and got good grades and didn't go to jail, and the boys are the ones who get everything!


Smart Cookie Cousin C: I talk so much. Sometimes I'm talking and talking and while I'm talking I'm thinking in my head, "You're talking so much!", but I can't stop!


On finding out she didn't get into the physical therapy program (which turned out to be a mistake, she did get in):
Smart Cookie Sister: But this would never happen to you! OMG, what am I going to do! I want to get married, and have a family, and buy a house, and what am I going to do for money?!
Note: My sister has over $30,000 saved, mmmmkay?

My godmother started feeding Kitty, the neighborhood cat. When Kitty got knocked up and had babies, my godmother didn't want to take care of the kittens too so she dropped them off in another neighborhood. But Kitty was so sad, and she kept crying and crying for her babies. So my aunt went back to the neighborhood and found two out of the three cats, Buddy & Meow Meow.
Smart Cookie Godmother: They're always there by the door! It's like they're waiting for me to come out. Sometimes I swear to you I think that they're spying on me, looking at me with their big old cat eyes.
Note: Kitty got pregnant again, but we don't know where those babies are.


Upon finding the laminating that I dropped off last Wednesday would not be ready as promised.
Smart Cookie: What?! What am I supposed to do? Maybe if the laminating guy wasn't so busy combing the four hairs on his head he would've finished my stupid laminating!


Put the names with the faces. Honorary Cousin A, Smart Cookie Sister, Cousin M, Cousin K (really the least crazy, I can't think of anything remotely nutty she's ever said), Cousin C, Smart Cookie

So. Do you understand now? I can't help it. It's genetic. We're all crazy.