So I've mentioned that I've started my new job. This is my fifth week, and so far, I like it muchos.
But I've made a buttload of mistakes.
Like:
Sending a letter without postage.
Failing to deduct $100,000 from my boss's check registrar.
Failing to double-check whether a fax had been sent.*
Putting things in the calendar incorrectly.
And the list goes on and on and on.
Luckily, my boss is super understanding. And like he says (often, I might add), "I bet you'll never make that mistake again."
Anyhoodle, back to Bus Thrower (he's nowhere near as diabolical as LeDouchetard, but I guess when you've made such a ginormous mistake, anyone is fair game).
Bus Thrower is the accountant.
Bus Thrower "misplaced" a bunch of checks.
Like twelve.
FOUR WEEKS AGO!
Sucks for him, right?
The other day he revved up his bus engines and said, "Did you leave the checks when you went to the Big Cheese's house?"
And I shut that bitch down and said, "Oh, you mean when I WENT WITH YOU? The stack of papers that YOU gave me? When I WENT WITH YOU? On my second day of work?"
So he backpedals and says, "Oh, I just thought maybe you had an idea where they were."
To which I replied, "Um, no. But feel free to go through my desk and see if you find anything."
End of Story.
Or so I thought.
Today, I hear him telling the Big Cheese he can't find the checks, and that maybe I left them at the Big Cheese's house.
He was totally throwing me under the bus. Totally!
So the Big Cheese, who apparently has infinite patience when it comes to the charming fuck-up he hired (also known as moi), very kindly asks, "SC, did you drop off the papers in my office? Do you remember seeing a folder or an envelope?"
Um. NO!
I tell the Big Cheese the same thing that I told Bus Thrower. "I went to your house with Bus Thrower and put the papers he had me hold on your desk. I'm sorry, but I don't know what was in those papers."
Hello? I make enough mistakes by myself without adding the mistake of MISPLACING TWELVE CHECKS FOUR WEEKS AGO!
I mean, hot damn! Hell to the no.
So I think my boss believed me.
And you can bet your ass I'm not going to trust Bus Thrower.
*In my defense, bus thrower also "taught" me how to fax. I didn't want to seem like an idiot, so before I faxed some important documents, I asked him if I was doing it correctly. He was all like, "Yeah, sure. You're doing it right." And I said, "Really? I don't want to seem like a moron, but I know all fax machines are different." And he said, "No, no -you're doing it right!" And then, when my boss called and asked if the checks would be ready for his meeting, I called the office and found out they had never received my fax! Oh. My. Word. I turned five shades of white and felt my heart drop to my belly. And then! When I said, "Hey, Bus Thrower -you taught me how to do it wrong!" He said, "No, I didn't. And anyway, you should've checked for the fax confirmation." Wow.
I love this bitch!
How could I not?
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