25 Things

1. I like bacon and pork, but I hate ham.
2. I have lots of different make-up, but I always go for the same look -rosy cheeks, smoky-ish eyes, and a glossy lip.
3. This is probably because my lips are tiny, bordering on non-existent.
4. I love dresses. I recently bought this one at Target. It looks much cuter on. I'm wearing it with a wide brown belt, a chartreuse cardigan, and these shoes.
5. I am addicted to my Blackberry.
6. I'm starting to hate Facebook, but the nosey parker in me can't bring myself to delete my account.
7. The depression that I've suffered this year because of my infertility has been unbearable. I'm grateful to my therapist and how she's helped me cope with my diagnosis and subsequent sadness and anxiety.
8. Although I'm nervous about not already having a job lined up, I'm grateful that I'll no longer be at my current job. I liken it to being in an abusive relationship and finally breaking free.
9. I don't think I'll ever be as thin as I was two years ago.
10. But that's okay because I got these great boobs.
11. I always thought that I never had close friends because I was such a difficult person. After finding my FF, I realize that I just never met someone as awesome as me. ;)
12. I can forgive, but I never forget. I love deeply, but once I feel like I've been betrayed, it's soooo over.
13. I wish I could keep my WHOLE house clean at the same time. As it is, if the bedrooms are clean, the living room is not. If the bathrooms are clean, the kitchen is a mess. It's like the space-time continuum will collapse if the entire house is neat.
14. Right now, my car looks like an episode of Hoarders. I start to hyperventilate at the thought of having passengers.
15. I love acupuncture. It completely relaxes me. I have a hard time falling asleep, but I can fall asleep on my back full of needles when I'm there.
16. I'm convinced that if I get pregnant, I'm going to have a boy.
17. I wish I could dance like they do on America's Best Dance Crew.
18. I think Glee should be shown at mental hospitals. It's such a happy show.
19. Last week, S told me that one of her students purposely got up from her desk and told another student, "I want to punch you in the face." At first, I thought, "How could anyone say that? Who does that?" Then I remembered, I would say that to Mrs. LeDouchetard in a heartbeat.
20. If I could afford it, I would shop exclusively at J.Crew and Anthropologie.
21. I think I'm getting too old for Forever 21.
22. Lemondrop martinis are my weakness.
23. Sometimes I worry that I will never really be able to relax.
24. I love to sit in the sun.
25. Hope breaks my heart. But it's the only thing that keeps me going.

Coming Up For Air

I've been so busy the past couple of weeks, and it only looks like I'm going to get busier.

I keep telling myself, "When school's over, I'll relax." But then I remember, when school's over, I'm going to work part-time with my parents. And when school's over, I'm still going to tutor. And when school's over, I still have to work at night.

I feel guilty telling my therapist and acupuncturist I'll slow down, when I know that really, I can't. This makes me incredibly nervous when it comes to this whole baby-making business, which will most likely be kicked into high gear at the end of June.

Add in the fact that my grandmother's health is rapidly failing and J and I promised my grandfather we would move in when she passed, and you've got a cocktail of anxiety brewing underneath the surface.

Deep breath.

Other than that, here's what else is new in my world:

*I lost my mind this past weekend and organized all my kitchen cabinets and drawers. I also cleaned out the small guest bathroom where I get my hair and make-up did each morning AND emptied out my bookcase. Four garbage bags (who knew we had so many cables and batteries?) and two ginormous boxes of books later, I was done. I hate organizing, but I love the finished result. Now to tackle the master and guest bedrooms.

*I bought these J.Crew shoes. And they are just as lovely in person as they look online.

*I haven't lost a lot of weight, but I haven't gained any weight either. I hope to make it under 150 pounds soon.

*J's birthday is Friday! He is turning 38!

*I found this really amazing infertility blog. If you're struggling with infertility, or know someone who is (ahem), you might want to take a look.

*Despite the overwhelming sadness that I've felt this month, I was blessed beyond belief when my FF and her husband made J and I the godparents to her child. Definitely sweet relief in this sea of bitterness that sometimes overwhelms me.

That's all. :)

If You Just Let Me Be...

eventually, I'll be back to me.

I'll Bet You...

that if I had this shoe I'd be a happier camper.

It really takes so little.

Thanks, But No Thanks

When I'm cranky and hating the world, all I want is for someone to listen. I hate it when I'm venting and people try to offer helpful suggestions or change the way I feel.

Listen.

All I want is for someone to say, "That sucks. I'm here if you need me."

Can I get an amen?

Random Ramblings with Cranky Pants

I've been in a funk since late Sunday afternoon, and I haven't been able to shake it. :( If you're happy, you might want to skip this one, because it's just a litany from the Poor Me files.

• Mother's Day is on Sunday. And I'm totally not feeling it. I'm being strangled by the no-baby blues, and I'm seriously considering skipping out on the whole day.


• Babies are everywhere but in my belly. Everybody is either pregnant or popping out babies. I'm beginning to hate FACEBOOK.


• For the last 72 hours, everything bothers me and makes me want to tear out my hair and scream and cry. I'm hyper cranky and exhausted.


• I hate Weight Watchers. I've been sticking to the plan pretty faithfully -the only sweets I've allowed myself are yogurt and jello pudding cups, but I've only lost a pound, maybe two. I've drastically reduced my intake, and I'm not pleased with the results.


• I'm not tutoring this week. Based on my current mindframe, that's a blessing, but I really am missing those extra $200. It was nice not to have to worry about budgeting for the week.


• I feel like I'm going to smack somebody if they look at me the wrong way.

Okay. I 'm done now.