This Little Piggy Went to Market

Yesterday I bought these booties for my goddaughter.

And today, while browsing online, I found the matching hat. It'll be here next week.

How could I not?

I seriously need to restrain myself when it comes to buying stuff for her.

But, um. Yeah. That's not going to happen. :)

From the Desk of the Barren and Currently Unemployed

Yowza! That's quite a catchy title, no? Methinks it's a bit dramatical, but the few days before I get my period are a bonanza of crying and drama -so maybe not, really.

I'm not a huge fan of putting my sad-face girl feelings out to God and the universe. For sure I like to believe that the love and energy you send is what you receive, and in this case, what I'd be receiving is obviously not so bueno, but it's how I'm feeling. At least right now.

The only good thing about not getting my period is that it's another inane reason for me to buy myself totally ridiculous things. Hmmmm. Let's see, Mother Nature: 84, Smart Cookie: 0, Smart Cookie's Closet: Full to Bursting.

Clearly, there are no winners.

But, since it seems that history is most likely going to repeat itself this month, this lovely dress from anthropologie is warming my poor, cold, dead heart.

If it weren't for the fact that I'm getting my hair done on Wednesday, and that duh! I'm unemployed, I wouldn't even think twice about inputting my debit digits.

But for now, like the baby I've been wanting for what seems like forever, I'll have to wait.

Constant Cravings

It's been an orgy of shopping goodness. Or what the angel perched on my right shoulder likes to call, a complete and total loss of my faculties.

Lately, I've been indulging my shopaholic tendencies under one or the other of the following two principles:

1. Birthday Presents: The plethora of birthday giftcards has been largely exhausted. But you know how dangerous giftcards can be. You mean to buy only enough as your giftcard allows, and in the end, your giftcard only serves as a deposit. Ahem. Guilty.

2. I work like an animal. No, seriously. I do. If you know me, you know that I am doing one of three things. Sleeping. Eating. Working. That's it. So I justify some of my shopping on the fact that I deserve it. For example, on Saturday, while most of you were resting, between Saturday school and tutoring I made $150 extra dollars. Granted, that money is supposed to go to my property taxes that are due at the end of March. But, nonetheless.

So on Sunday, after going to Forever 21 and not finding anything, I figured I was in the clear.

***Snort***

Old Navy, which is usually hit or miss for me (especially since I'm aware everything is going to eventually be marked down to $1 AND I'm super pear-shaped so dresses are a crap shoot), was a goldmine of adorableness. Everything was super fresh and springtastic. Tops and flip-flops in delicious colors. *

Plus, on Monday, thinking that I was Daddy Warbucks, I bought myself a brown leather purse at Dillard's and another yoga DVD**. Um, I haven't even seen the first yoga DVD.

And now, I'm craving these.

These denim leggings are super delish. I've gained beacoup weight, and let's be honest, anything with a button and a waistband that is not made of elastic is torturous. But. I've put myself on a shopping hiatus. I've got to save my dollars for my property taxes. And, again, with all the sleeping, eating, and working, I'm not really going anywhere.

Deep sigh.

But. I do have that Anthropologie giftcard.

*Ironically I put everything on my Gap card because I didn't want to touch my cash. Deep sigh. Two steps forward, one step back.

**To be fair, the second yoga DVD is a fertility, relaxation DVD. And I paid cash for all that.

Shoes? Yes, Please!

Last week, I mentioned that I was going to reinstate the shopping ban*, with the one exception of these shoes:

But these shoes were $99.95. So, um -no. Because although I'm not averse to spending $100 on a pair of shoes (not that I have a closet full of $100 shoes or anything) I am not going to throw away $100 on a pair of shoes that although I seriously love, I have no idea how to incorporate into my daily wardrobe.

Plus, although I loved them in gold, they were a little, how do I say? Cha Cha Digregorio-ish.

So even though I went to the mall on Tuesday in order to purchase them with my 20% Macys discount card, I just couldn't.

But today? Oh. Happy. Day. I went to Macy's to return a top I had bought while delusional (I must've been in a frenzy when I bought it because it was. So. Not. Me.), I sauntered by the shoes and these babies were $69.95!

Shut your mouth and say it isn't so!

So I tried them on in gold (I know, right? I'm so frickin' persistent. Like a dog with a bone.) and in black**. And surprisingly enough, I fell in love with the black ones. Ooooooh. They is so pretty!

And I was able to use my discount card so I actually saved $43.

*I would've broken the shopping ban on Tuesday because I found a super cute bikini (I know, I know -like a hole in the head) for $16.99 but it didn't fit me. And some super cute Michael Kors wedges, but since I had planned on buying the aforementioned shoes, ixnay.

And today, I would've bought a buttload of crap but nothing fit and Jesus said, "No, you don't need it." And I listened.

**I don't have many pairs of black shoes. I have two pairs of black pumps, one pair of black flats (of which I can only find one, the other must be under the bed), and one pair of black sandals. So I was super surprised at how much I loved the black shoes. But they made my calves look FIERCE, cookies. FIERCE.

Off The Wagon

Confession Time: I am totally off the no-shopping wagon. With a vengeance, cookies. Like a Die Hard vengeance. But rather than wallow in my relapse, I'm going to let y'all benefit. Now, isn't that super sweet of me?

K. So today I went to the mall under the pretense of buying my niece a present for her birthday, which is on Monday (can I get a what-what? no? okay then). I started at Forever 21, duh. It's like my equivalent of a crack den. A little disappointed in the selection, but I bought myself a little dress (that I needed like a hole in the head), a yellow sweater (because I loved the color), and some dangly earrings.

Voila. These I seriously heart.

I immediately had buyer's remorse (for the clothes). But too late. Once that credit card goes through, it's all about the store credit.

Then, I went to Love Culture. Which I don't really dig. It's like a tackier Forever 21, but I found this dress in yellow, and in the perfect length, and for $12.80! Shut your mouth and say it isn't so!

THEN, I went to Charlotte Russe, which I never ever go to, but I had seen something from Charlotte Russe in either Lucky or People StyleWatch, and I thought I'd give it a whirl. It was a bust, but you win some, you lose some.

So you'd think I'd be done, right? Oh, cookies, do you not know me at all?

Next stop: Kmart. To be honest, I was only going to Kmart to buy a float for the pool and a book, but while I was there, I got distracted by the clothes. Yes, cookies. THE CLOTHES. Kmart actually had some pretty cute stuff. The prices were a little, eh. I mean, for some reason, I expected Kmart to be super cheap. Like $3 cheap. But. But it's not that cheap. Anyhoodle, I tried on a bunch of stuff, but I only walked with a super cute pair of yellow and white short shorts. On sale. $12.49!

Deep sigh. That was it. I hope you've learned something. At the very least I hope you come away with the knowledge that Kmart doesn't suck. At least not completely.

K. Time to get back on the wagon.

P.S. If you have not entered my surprise giveaway -what the heck are you waiting for? It's free for goodness sakes. Get it together, and just do it!

Genius! In theory, of course....

So this recession sucks, right? And everybody and their mother is looking for ways to make some extra smackaroonies -and this cookie is no exception. I've tried to sell stuff on ebay -a big FU to the person who bid on my crap and never contacted me about payment, and I've thought about selling everything -Dove Chocolate, Mary Kay, Avon, but... bleh. Not super interested.

I have a friend who sells Dove Chocolate, and for an initial investment of $100, you make 25% of everything you sell. Cool, no? I mean chocolate is a multi-million dollar industry. A sure thing. Um, yes, but. But, when I buy chocolate, I buy it at our local grocery store. I don't buy it at a chocolate party. And guess who would be hosting these chocolate parties? Me, that's who. Which is not really the problem. But it's a lot of work. Mostly because I wouldn't be selling candy bars, I'd be selling chocolate products. And I'd have to make all the stuff. Can we say hello 10 pounds, goodbye any pants sans elastic waists? Not for me. A la soup nazi, NEXT!

Mary Kay works similarly, but after the initial investment, you make 50% of everything you sell. Great, right? Well, in theory. Who uses Mary Kay? I buy most of my makeup at the drugstore.

And Avon? They have cute stuff. But I'm just not really interested. You might as well be asking me to sell water filters. Bleh.

Plus! The problem with all of these is that I'd be harrassing my friends and family to buy stuff from me just to, well, buy stuff from me.

And then, like the heavens opening up, it hit me!

I am passionate about clothes. What if, I could find a direct sales company for clothes? I know, right? Effing GENIUS! I love clothes, I love shopping, I love helping people shop for clothes, I love it ALL! I could even transform my little used dining room into a dressing area, complete with mirrors, rolling racks, and a changing room. It would be adorable!

But after some research, the only clothing companies that are direct sales clothing companies are too expensive and a little stuffy. I mean, if I don't spend $100 on a dress, there's no way that I would convince anyone else to do so. Plus, with Forever 21? Forget it. I'd need to find cute stuff priced between $30 - $60.

Deep sigh. Back to the drawing board.

My Kind of Party

Last night we celebrated my cousin C's 30th birthday with a luau-themed party that was totally reminiscent of an episode of MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen, complete with "talent" (I'm not sure who they were, but several guests had heard their songs on the radio) and a celebrity guest DJ, DJ Laz, who often collaborates with Pitbull and Flo'rida -totally ghetto, but totally awesome, especially if you're 305.

Anyhoodle, while I was there, my cousins and some friends and I were chatting about our shopaholic tendencies, and we totally related to having stuff with the tags still on them in our closets, and a strange aversion to wearing our new clothes because we didn't want to "waste" them.

I'm super guilty of this. I buy super cute stuff with the intention of wearing it totally casually on regular, random days, and then I never do.

So we thought it might be fun to have a "dress up" party. Invite some cookies to come over with some of their cute clothes and have a grown up dress up party. Doesn't that sound like fun? I'm starting to plan it, and I can't wait!

A Love Affair Rekindled

Because of the douche-y behavior I had to deal with today, I found it necessary to indulge in retail therapy, which was made guilt-free, thanks to a $50 VISA giftcard from one of my munchkins.

If you remember, it's been a while since I've found anything at Forever 21. I'd anticipated their new Love 21 collection, but, eh. It was a little sound and fury-ish.

Anyhoodle, this afternoon I drove my sad-face to the mall without any expectations.

And, cookies? Going to the mall without expectaions is the best. THE BEST. Because when you don't have any expectations, anything you find is a score.

Check out my super cute finds:

This dress must've just been put out when I got to the store because in the 10 minutes it took me to finish walking the store, these dresses disappeared. Anyhoodle, this dress fits my number one summer dress requirement: it's smocked. The navy/white/yellow pattern is bold, but not overwhelming, giving the overall dress a fresh look.

This pattern doesn't photograph as lovely as it looks in person. But it's cute and sassy, and I'm super happy that it now belongs to me.

I also bought a really cute navy/white stripe t-shirt, but I couldn't find a picture of it online.

And, yes. I do feel better.

Immediate Gratification....

will have to be delayed. Because I've done the math for this month, and it's going to be a tight squeeze. Deep sigh. Maybe next month.

I've been looking for a shrunken blazer, and this one is perfect. I haven't figured out if I like it better in navy or black. But, um, I've got three weeks to think about it. LOL.I love summer dresses. Love. Although I'm planning to lose the 10 pounds I've gained this year, dresses make me feel thin and hide the pooch. Even though it's just an illusion.

All these cuties are from Urban Outfitters and are under $68 smackaroonies. Cute, right?

Is This Relationship OVER?

For years, I've loved Forever 21. Loved. Never would a week pass by that I wouldn't come home with a yellow bag stuffed with a few well-priced beauties. Guaranteed I could not step foot in the store without spending at least $25. Yep. Do the math cookies. $25 (minimum, mind you) x 52 (weeks) =$1300 (YIKES!! -but I am now saving $25/week, that's right, I'm on the road to being responsible).

I mean, I've said several times that Forever 21 has ruined me, ruined me for regular stores. I could be at, oh, let's say Macy's, and I'll see a really cute jersey dress for $48.

$48 AMERICAN DOLLARS? WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I COULD GET THAT FOR AT FOREVER 21? PROBABLY LESS THAN $20! OH HELL TO THE NO!

Anyhoodle, lately? The magic? It's gone. I have not bought anything from Forever 21 since Lent. Nothing. Not a tanktop. Not a skirt. Not a flirty little dress. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The hemlines are too high. A little crotch-tastic if you will. The waistlines are too high. So high they might as well be wrapped around my neck. The cuts make my thighs look like racks of ham and my belly like I'm eight months pregnant. Um, no. No. No. No.

However, Forever 21 is coming out with a new line called Love 21: Sophisticated style at a price you can't pass up. Hmmm. Maybe this love affair can be saved after all.

Stocking Up

I bought this dress last year from Forever 21 in blue. It fits really well, and for $12 the price can't be beat.

My new anti-shopaholic self is reasoning that:

a) I bought myself a pair of shoes yesterday.

b) I already have it in blue.

c) I got my period today, and I am so not going anywhere that requires looking presentable.

d) Do I need it? Really?

But the little devil perched on my shoulder is singing its siren song, "It's only $12! It's only $12!"

We'll see.

In My Shoes

Something else I've noticed. When the numbers on the scale creep up, the amount of shoes in the closet goes up as well.

I first saw these lovelies during Lent. Because I couldn't buy them, and I refuse to waste sales staff's time unless I'm serious, I didn't even bother trying them on. When Lent ended, the $89 price tag was a deterrent. Not because they were too expensive, but rather because with my new frugal-icious state of mind, spending so many smackaroonies for one pair of shoes was unthinkable.

But today, I really, really, really wanted them. Oh! How I seriously considered buying them even with the thought of kissing $89 good-bye. But Jesus loves me. Yes, he does. Because before I left for the mall to circle them endlessly while drooling, I decided to check the website. Surely Dillards would be having some sort of Mother's Day sale, right?

And they were! The shoes were reduced 40%!

Oh, happy day!

And unlike these Gap shoes, which were not very flattering (but might have been if they would've come in half sizes -the size 8 just made my feet look like canoes), these shoes were perfect! Super comfortable, perfect 70's vibe, and a wedge that's not too high, not too low, but just right. The perfect compliment to all my summer dresses. I'd been feeling a little hobbit-ish in my flats.

But no more, my cookies. No more.

What Not to Wear

No, really. Really. When your outfit spontaneously combusts, it's a problem.

This past Friday, my girlfriend A, my cousin M, and I went to Shecky's Girls' Night Out. We got all prettied up and headed to the Design District. My parents' business is in the Design District, and I'm so used to simply going to and from the office (plus the fact that I'm totally not cool -not even a little bit) that I was totally unaware that it's become a very hip (that's the word the kids are using these days, right?) scene.

We only stayed for about an hour. The drinks were included in the admission price, but they weren't too yummy. And the bartenders were assholes. Don't hold drinks hostage until a tip is put in the jar. And don't tap the tip jar. Doing that only guarantees that I'm going to snatch one out from under your smarmy grasp and leave you nothing. Well, almost. My cousin M tipped him because she's a sucker (or some might say, so sweet).

Looking at pretty clothing and jewelry is my favorite, but the pricetags for these items were outrageous. There was a vendor selling strapless, smocked dresses, which I seriously love for their ease, versatility, and ability to hide an expanding midsection, and as we passed, I told my cousin M how much I loved the dresses (check me out in my strapless smocked dress!), and she just looked at me and said,

"Do you know how many dresses like that you could buy at Ross?"

Which, duh, is so true. And one of the girls who was actually considering buying one of the dresses looked at my cousin and said, "Oh, no! Don't tell me that!"

I almost bought a necklace because I was seriously feeling the urge to buy something, anything. I think it was because the air was so charged (get it?) with the buy stuff vibes. The necklace was only $20. It was a thin, short gold chain with a small rose quartz-ish looking stone. It was delicate and really lovely. I thought I might wear it to my brother's wedding, but in the end, I didn't feel that it was special enough for my wedding outfit and for $20? Um, no.

But don't get too excited thinking that I didn't buy anything. We ended up going to Target (my cousin M and I were looking for jeweled barettes to wear to my brother's wedding), and I bought the most delicious chartreuse scarf and a floppy beach hat. Beautiful.

OH! And the admission price (for advance tickets) included a goody bag! It wasn't anything out of this world, but it did include a romance novel, a bunch of lotions and creams, tampons, and one of those individual, just add water and microwave chocolate cakes.

I'm so going to eat that now.

I'm in LOVE...

How cute are these shoes? Too cute, right? They're from the Gap and they're only $39.50.

Oh, yes. One of these lovelies will be mine.

Confessions of a Reformed Shopaholic

Yep, you read correctly!

Here's what led to my epiphany:

I gave up shopping for Lent, and I'm proud to say that except for a necklace -which I gave myself permission to buy to accessorize a dress I was wearing to a wedding (which ironically enough I did not even wear), I did not buy myself any shoes, clothes or accessories.

It was definitely a difficult challenge, especially during the last two weeks when I was just all cracked out salivating to buy something. And I swear that if it wasn't because I promised God, I would've totally fallen off the wagon. But I really learned a lot about myself and why I shop.

Um, I don't really need a reason to shop, but being stressed (even if it's stress caused by our finances) is the largest catalyst for shopping.

I like stuff. I like looking cute. And I can justify my spending because I am not spending large amounts. Why shouldn't I buy a cute dress? It's only $20! Why shouldn't I buy these shoes? They're on sale! They make my calves look awesome! I'll find something to wear them with! Why shouldn't I buy this top? I can wear it everywhere!

But these justifications are exactly why I have no money. I mean granted, our financial picture is more complicated than this, but if I analyze my shopping, I can freely admit that I could be saving $75 - $100/month. And while that's a small amount, that small amount x 12 is a nice bit of change. Because it's more than zero.

And anything more than zero is a good thing, right?

Anyhoodle, back to this Lent business. I'm not going to lie. I bought a bunch of books, a shitload of candles (my house smells delicious, cookies -DE-LI-CIOUS), and a bunch of home accessories. However, this was not against the law.

Here's what I'm doing:

I buy myself a lot of stuff for the life I wish I had. But really? I don't need any more heels. I don't need any more sassy little dresses. Whenever I don't buy something, for whatever reason, I'm going to transfer that bit to savings. I'll keep a monthly log, and I'll post the total at the end of the month.

I get a gazillion catalogs in the mail. Constantly going through catalogs is a recipe for disaster because if I like something, I can look at it over and over again, and I can somehow convince myself that I need it. So. I'm still going to look at the catalogs, just for fun. But once I'm done, they go in the trash.

I subscribe to a bunch of magazines, but I've let some of my subscriptions lapse. For example, I love Lucky, but really? This cookie can't afford those clothes. I can't even afford the clothes in the budget issue. So no more. Especially no more gossip magazines. I can read them while I stand in line at the grocery store or when I go to the bookstore, which I totally plan on doing more often because....

I'm not going to be buying any more books. I'm going to beg my friends for books, borrow books from the library, or steal books from the bookstore. Well, not really steal per se. I'm just going to read books at the bookstore.

I'm going to read everything I can about personal finance. Right now I'm reading Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. At the bookstore, of course.

I'm trying to sell crap on ebay (nobody has bid on this crap, but I have one watcher and hopefully it'll sell) and craigslist.org. I'm going to list something new every seven days, and any money I make will go straight into savings until I get a teeny cushion.

I'm looking for a part-time job. I'll keep you posted on this. I'd love to work 10-15 hours/week at $10 (minimum)/hour. I'm applying to anything and everything, so we'll see.

I'm looking for new car and home0wner's insurance. I'm going to get the lowest, bestest price. And I'm going to do my research because I want my money to work for me.

Now. This doesn't mean that I'm never going to buy myself anything. I love pretty things and I've bought myself some stuff since the end of Lent. I'm just saying that I'm much more aware of what I'm buying, and I'm much more honest about my motivation for buying an item. Not shopping for 40 days has really changed my internal dialogue.

So that's that. I'm excited. Let's get this bitch started!

Free Money!

Say what?

So. It's no secret that I'm trying to make some extra smackaroonies. In the course of my internet travels, I came across the ebates website.

It's this fricking awesome website where you can earn cash back (shut your mouth and say it is so!) for buying stuff online from like a gazillion different online stores, like Bloomingdales, The Gap, Walgreens, VisionWorks, Petco, and on and on and on. You can even get rebates for booking hotels and cars, buying vacation packages -the list is ENDLESS! Plus, they GUARANTEE the lowest prices.

Now, I don't buy too many things online (especially now that I am SERIOUSLY cutting back, which is hard because Cookie's gotta live), but you get $5 bucks just for signing up. That's FIVE FREE DOLLARS! And then! And then, I can make $5 more dollars by referring people to the website! It's a win-win situation!

Interested? Help a cookie out and click here:

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=vK5kwqGDgVBEhjhOv0yCjg%3D%3D

You're welcome!

And thank you in advance for the free money.

Like a Crack Whore...

in a crack den. That's what I'm worried it's going to be like when Lent is over (which by the way is in two weeks -yay!).

So today I went to the mall under the pretense of shopping for my soon to be sister-in-law. Her bridal shower is this Saturday, and I was hoping to find a sweet little lingerie honeymoon-ish set (a little gross when I think of her wearing it for my brother, but whatever). But of course, I also walked around and tried on a bunch of stuff. J is walking a wedding in two weeks, and I'm worried about what to wear to the rehearsal dinner and wedding.

Last weekend when I went to the mall with my cousin C, I'd seen this really pretty, sweet-heart neckline black lace short dress with a hot pink ribbon under the bust. I remember telling her that if it wasn't Lent and against the law, I would totally buy that dress. She just looked at me and matter-of-factly asked where would I wear that dress. And I didn't have an answer then, BUT I DO NOW! I would wear it to the wedding in two weeks! And because I didn't buy it THEN, they didn't have it in my size NOW! Can you believe the dress fit over my hips but would not close because of my back/bust? Yowza!

Now I know you're what you're thinking. It doesn't matter if they would've had it in my size because I couldn't have bought it anyway. Au contraire. J could've bought it for me. Maybe. He's kinda been a stickler for this Lent business. But its a moot point, no?

Anyhoodle, back to the crack den. I couldn't buy anything which almost gave me a panic attack. The whole drive home I kept thinking,

What the hell am I going to wear?

Luckily, when I got home, I pulled myself together and found outfits for both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding (um the dress is pretty close to zipping up, it's just that last 1/2 inch -but it's a size 0, go ahead, feel free to hate me a little, even though it obviously runs big).

And I am planning to make one concession. I need two necklaces and a pair of earrings to wear with my dresses. If I don't find anything I can use in my mom or sister's jewelry box, I'm giving myself permission to buy myself some accessories.


I am so going to buy myself some shoes when this is over.

These are from Dillards, and I'm totally feeling their retro vibe. Perfect for summer frocks.

I'm also feeling these wedges from Payless. They look much cuter on, and they'd add some spank to any outfit. Love 'em.



And the Gap? Will not stand a chance.


Pray for me, cookies.

I Can't WAIT For It to Be....

OVER!

Hot damn, Lent is long. I'm worried that when it ends (which by the way, is longer than 40 days!), I'm totally going to binge. Here are some of the things I'm seriously loving.

I love this Gap outfit. I especially love the white jeans. Personally, white jeans pose a little bit of a problem. The biggest issue I have is that they can make the slimmest people look chunky. And since I have been on an eating binge for the last two weeks, I'm not sure they would be flattering on my new, semi-fuller frame (I keep telling myself I weigh more because of my muscles, but no).

I also love the fitted, short-sleeve khaki jacket. It's light enough for summer, and it would give any outfit a little structure and a whole lotta spank. It's just a totally fresh, summer look, and I'm digging it.

This dress is pretty much the blueprint for my summer wardrobe. Having tiny boobies, I'm not a huge fan of strapless dresses, but I've realized that strapless dresses that are smocked at the top (this one isn't, but oh well) are pretty flattering. I love the detailing at the bust. I wish Lent ended before April 4th, because it if did, I'd totally buy it and wear it to my future sister-in-law's bridal shower. Bummer.

The only good thing about Lent (okay, there are lots of good things about Lent) is that by the time I can shop again, these outfits might be on sale. *Fingers crossed.

These Steve Madden shoes will be a DEFINITE, DEFINITE addition to my wardrobe. For shizzle. I saw them on Friday when I went to the mall with my Cousin C. Love them!

*Deep sigh. Only three more weeks. Only three more weeks. Only three more weeks.

2 + 2 = 5?

Um, no. It obviously does not.

Since J was sleeping last night when I posted my Britney Spears/concert/T-shirt/Lent post, I told him about my dilemma this morning. I was totally prepared for him to tell me to buy a t-shirt. I mean, this is a boy who never questions my shopping. BUT HE DIDN'T. He actually had the nerve to tell me that I couldn't do it because I had given it up for Lent. Hmmphf. This is the same boy who gave up ice cream for Lent last Wednesday, then changed his mind on Sunday because he had a craving for a chipburger (ice cream cookie sandwich). Mmmmmkay?

But he was right. That is why, after much careful, heartbreaking deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that Lent is a legally binding verbal contract between myself and God, and as such, cannot be broken. Bummer. But after the ban, I'm totally ordering a concert tee online.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Oh. My. Word. Let me give you the 411.

K. *Deep breath. It's no secret that I gave up shopping for Lent. It's only been four days, and I'm totally doing it. *Looks away while you snort in disbelief. On Saturday, I had to go to the

J.Crew store to return two dresses. I had ordered the chartreuse dress in a size 4 (K, before you give me grief about being a size 4, please realize that J.Crew sizes run LARGE. There is no way that I am a size 2. NO WAY!) and the fresh mint dress in a size 2 online.

RIGHT SIZE! WRONG COLOR! BOO! HISS!

The size 4 fit, but was a bit big in the bust area. Quel surprise, no? Since even seven year olds have questioned the size of my cups. "Mrs. Smart Cookie, why are your breasts so small?" The size 2 fit perfectly, but it was in the wrong color. So I ordered the size 2 in the chartreuse.

However, that left me with two VERY expensive dresses. So get this. I went to the mall. Returned the dresses. AND LEFT WITHOUT BUYING ANYTHING. Can I get a what, what? Because let's be honest. Here are some things I would've bought if I could've. With no hesitation whatsoever.

A BATHING SUIT. I KNOW, I KNOW. I NEED ANOTHER BATHING SUIT LIKE I NEED A HOLE IN THE HEAD.

And this beautiful necklace in a really pretty coral color. So I saved myself at least $120 smackaroonies.

THEN, I went to Target, where I proceeded to lose my beautiful bracelet, and where I bought two books (totally within the terms of the agreement), some pasta bowls, granola bars, moisturizer, sunscreen, dog toys, and this:

THE RABBIT EARS. NOT THE DOG. FORGIVE THE DISGUSTINGLY DIRTY WHITE TILE.

J says that it's cheating. But last time I checked, I was not a dog, and therefore, buying stuff for them, is okay.

Anyhoodle, I've been so good, right? I mean, I was in the belly of the beast, AND I DID NOT CAVE!

Awkward segueway.

So today I was thinking about the Britney Spears concert this Saturday. Yes, my cookies! I AM GOING! And I was thinking about how much fun I was going to have, and how I totally had to get a concert t-shirt. *GASP!

Oh no! Cookies, do you see my concern? Can you put two and two together? I CANNOT BUY THE T-SHIRT UNDER THE TERMS OF LENT! I am devastated. Do you think, maybe, that since it is a one-off, a one time, clearly extenuating circumstance that I could get a t-shirt?

For the love of all that's good and holy, let me know.