T & A

Did the title excite you? Ooooops! Just a typo. :) It's really Q & A -clever, right? No? You hate me now? Pervert.

I copied this survey from the super adorable Lesli, so buckle up, and enjoy the show.

What is your current obsession?

Right now I'm really loving maxi dresses, so I find I'm always on the hunt for those. Y'all know about my aversion to pants, and even though I have nice legs (I think, anyway), maxi dresses are comfy, casual and have the added bonus of making you look and feel put together. I bought a light purple maxi dress on Sunday from Love Culture for $15 smackaroonies.

This is one that I bought last month and haven't worn yet. I'm taking it on our trip to Santo Domingo next week, and I plan on being all bronze and toasty when I wear it. :)

What is your weirdest obsession?

I don't think I have any weird obsessions. I have a lot of strange idiosyncrasies, though. Like, if I'm going grocery shopping, I can't start in the frozen food aisle (far left side of the grocery store), I have to start in the dairy aisle (far right side of the grocery store), or I get all bajaggity.

Starbucks or Caribou?

Since I have no idea what Caribou is, and I originally thought it was from the deer/elk/moose family, I'd have to go with Starbucks. I'm not a big coffee fan, it gets me all breathless and hyped up, but I do love the strawberry frappuccino and the mango and banana smoothie.

What's for dinner?

Today we ate steak and mushroom rice. It was really delicious. I'm super lucky J is not a picky eater. Most of our meals include these ingredients: olive oil, mushrooms, zucchini, and onions, and we alternate steak, chicken, or pasta.

What would you eat for your last meal?

Pepperoni pizza from Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza and lobster with butter.

What was the last thing you bought?

Groceries.

What are you listening to right now?

The Bachelorette. I never watch this show, but there is nothing else on. At least until 9 when it's on to the Jon & Kate train wreck. Can't. Look. Away.

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

I love Haagen Dazs Caramel Cone ice cream (I can eat a whole pint in one sitting) and Cold Stone's Birthday Cake Remix.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

Probably one of these water huts in Fiji.

Which language do you want to learn?

Definitely Italian. I even bought a book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Learning Italian, but I really think learning a language from a book is almost impossible.

What is your favorite quote (for now)?

I'm really feeling the quote from Rocky.

What is your favorite color?

It depends on what we're talking about. I love pink and green and orange, especially for my house. Whenever someoene asks me what color they should paint a room, I always say a shade of green. But if it's for something I'm going to wear, I like blues and yellows and chartreuse.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

I wouldn't say I have one favorite piece of clothing. The majority of my clothes are inexpensive and therefore somewhat disposable. However, I do love all my dresses. They fit me well, and I always feel pretty in them.

Do you admire anyone's style?

Like Lesli, I heart Rachel Bilson and Lauren Conrad's style.

Describe your personal style.

For me, it's all about flirty dresses, dangly earrings, and an arm full of bangles.

What are you going to do after this?

Watch Chelsea Lately.

What are your favorite movies?

The Princess Bride, The Wedding Singer, French Kiss, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Hangover, Juno.

What is your favorite fruit?

Mangos. I also love mango juice in the morning with breakfast and mango martinis -delicious.

What inspires you?

I'm really inspired by certain quotes. Sometimes I read something or hear something from a movie, and I just think, "Wow, I totally get that."

What is your dream job?

I'd love to be a writer, and I'd like to grow my own home/fashion business.

What's your worst trait?

I'm too sensitive. I really let things get to me, and I have a tendency to wallow. Boo.

What would you do with $100?

I really want these bracelets from Forever 21. They're nowhere near $100, but it's a start. And a manicure and pedicure. And a massage. Gosh, $100 smackaroonies goes fast, huh?

What is your favorite book?

I love anything by Sophie Kinsella and Jen Lancaster. The Tale of Despereaux is a favorite, it makes me cry every time. Those are books that I could read over and over.

Do you collect something?

Nope, nada.

What is your favorite smell?

Vanilla, coconut, the beach.

What are you most proud of?

My marriage. I think that we're a good fit and that we strike a really good balance.

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up?

As many times as it lets me before it shuts off by itself. I think that's about half an hour. I wish I were one of those people who wake up right away.

Cats or dogs?

Dogs. I've got three, and I love them. I find cats a little yucky.

Complete the following: Love is.....

hard work. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

What do you like best about yourself?

I'm a really loving, loyal person. And I've got a killer sense of fashion.

What do you like least about yourself?

My obsession with my weight, my super competitiveness, and my tendency to stress and worry about the teeniest things. I could go on and on, but I'm trying to work on my negativity. :)

The World is Out to Get Me...

or welcome to my pity party.

1. Today I woke up to another huge piss puddle in the bedroom. Lucy, otherwise know as Leaky Faucets, peed in front of Whitey's cage. It happens. Every. Single. Morning.

2. I usually work on Mondays. I had already flat ironed my hair, put on my make-up, and was just about to change out of my granny panties (trying to avoid the dreaded visible panty lines)when my mom called. "Oh, are you working today? Yes? Hmmmm. I didn't call you, then. I thought I had mentioned that I needed you to work on Wednesday instead. Is that okay?"

Well, what am I going to say? No? So here I am. All dressed up and no place to go. I mean, I already went to the mall yesterday, and I'm too clean to clean, so what do I do with myself?

3. I used to be friends with S. We were carbon copies. And I really loved her. I'm not the easiest person to be friends with. I hate talking on the phone, fear of rejection usually prevents me from initiating plans, I'm incredibly anti-social, and I'm a little Rain Man particular about things. I know, right? Can't wait to be my friend? Move to the end of the line.

Anyhoodle, last year, S and her husband moved into a new house. They had a lot of parties and get togethers at their new house, and J and I were never invited. It bothered me (especially because J and S's husband were also friends, and they didn't forget to call J when they needed to borrow his work truck and help them move), but it was never a huge deal. Like I said, I'm pretty anti-social, and I don't need to be invited to everything.

Until her birthday.

S's birthday was the same day as my brother's wedding. The night before, I already had plans so J called S's husband to see what he was up to. And S's husband was all like, "Oh, we're having a barbecue for S's birthday. You didn't get the evite? Come on over."

Come on. You're not going to invite me to your BIRTHDAY? And you call me your BFF? No. No. No. And that was it. It was over. Because as difficult as it may be to be my friend, my friends know that I will literally cut a bitch if someone hurts them. Not on my watch. They're part of my gang, and like the Crips or the Latin Kings (without the poor fashion choices, life of crime, and unnecessary violence) they have my undying love and loyalty. But once I feel that a line has been crossed, it's over. And there's no going back.

So now I find out that she's pregnant. And I'm happy for her because I'm not a total evil bitch.

But, cookies? I'm sad for me.

4. Why is it that when I feel like I have a plan (I love plans and schedules and order), something always happens to fuck it up? Really? No, really?

And it's not even 10 fucking a.m.

How I Get Babies to Love Me

Yesterday I had brunch with my girlfriends, A, C, and CG. It was super fun. First of all, CG hosted this"Bookless" Book Club brunch at her place, which was a-frickin-dorable, all decorated in shades of blue, with cream and dark brown. Two words, loved it. And the food was delish and so fancy. Come to my house and all you'll get is some cheese cubes, crackers, and grapes. And that's it! If you're lucky.

Anyhoodle, C brought her two sons, C-man and Jordan, who are both too cute for words. But my favorite, probs because he was too little to run away from me screaming, was Jordan. Jordan is the perfect baby, chubby and delicious and BEAUTIFUL. Unfortunately, Jordan suffers from a serious case of MAMA-itis and does not like to be held by strangers.

But I wanted to hold that yumminess, so I lured him to me with my jangly bracelets, very similar to these (which I totally want BTW):
And this was the bestest part (besides holding this little piece of heaven, of course). I will never forget when that little monkey put his hands on my face and rested his forehead against mine.

Oh. My. Word. Get me one of these -STAT!

So now I know the secret. I'm like the baby whisperer. And all it took was a bunch of gypsy bracelets. Go figure.

P.S. I also jiggled that little muffin to sleep, and the few minutes he slept on my chest were priceless. God, I so want one of those.

Status Update: Brood-ish

THING ONE:
Today I ran into Mrs. LeDouchetard at my place of worship: the mall (I know, I know, one week and I'm already off the wagon -we'll get to that another day). I had just stepped out of Old Navy and was walking toward DSW when I saw my former student, and Mrs. LeDouchetard's son, sitting on a bench. He totally saw me (kids are so funny when they see their teachers out of school -it's like, "Wow! They let you out!") so there was no way I could keep on walking without saying hi. Because, you know that if I would have done that, he'd tell her that I saw him and just walked by, and she'd be pissed at me for that, too, even though she'd rather swallow nails than say hello to me and make me pay for it for the rest of my damn life.

Anyhoodle, I gave Mini-Douche(He's a really a cute kid and his only fault is being related to his devil parents, therefore making him lose his cutie-ness and render him the spawn of those who will not be named) a kiss, and I gave one to Mrs. LeDouchetard as well. She was looking the other way, so she wouldn't have seen me at all (Damn you DSW! You were just a stupid, mindless whim!).

Cookies, I hope that my smile was not HALF as fake as hers. Because if it was, it was blatantly obvious that we hated each others' guts. I made some chit chat, which was the longest damn minute of my life, and then I hightailed it out of there without a look back.

And here is what I'm ashamed to admit. My body had a visceral reaction to seeing this woman. The minute I walked away, my body started shaking and my breathing and heart rate became super accelerated.

And, why? I hate (okay, seriously dislike) this woman, and I don't want her to have this power over me. And I've been thinking about it all day because even if this random scenario wouldn't have affected me emotionally, how the hell would I have not let it affect me physically?

Cookies, body shaking, fast breathing, heart pounding. Totally Fight or Flight Syndrome.

This sounds so lame, but I really want to forgive this woman, build a bridge and get over it. But how? How, cookies? How?

THING TWO:
So I'm a Christian right? Total member of the Jesus club (Yeah, yeah. That whole forgiveness thing is still a bitch even as a believer). But lately, I've been wanting answers, and even though I know I should be praying for answers, I don't want to have to wait, and I want to HEAR answers. Now.

So.

I want to see a psychic. No. Actually, I'm planning to see a psychic on Wednesday.

But it's totally against my faith because, duh -Christianity is based on trusting God not humans.
So I'm torn. Totally torn. And I don't know what the poop to do.

And get this. You know how I said I want to HEAR answers? After I made plans to see the psychic, THE NEXT DAY, the message on the daily inspirational thoughts calendar was.... are you ready for it?

If you are seeking answers, do not turn to the internet, or the latest
trends or technology, ask God, and he will give you the answers.

FML, right?

Deep sigh.

Hence the status update. I'm feeling broody.

Feel free to weigh in.

Shoes? Yes, Please!

Last week, I mentioned that I was going to reinstate the shopping ban*, with the one exception of these shoes:

But these shoes were $99.95. So, um -no. Because although I'm not averse to spending $100 on a pair of shoes (not that I have a closet full of $100 shoes or anything) I am not going to throw away $100 on a pair of shoes that although I seriously love, I have no idea how to incorporate into my daily wardrobe.

Plus, although I loved them in gold, they were a little, how do I say? Cha Cha Digregorio-ish.

So even though I went to the mall on Tuesday in order to purchase them with my 20% Macys discount card, I just couldn't.

But today? Oh. Happy. Day. I went to Macy's to return a top I had bought while delusional (I must've been in a frenzy when I bought it because it was. So. Not. Me.), I sauntered by the shoes and these babies were $69.95!

Shut your mouth and say it isn't so!

So I tried them on in gold (I know, right? I'm so frickin' persistent. Like a dog with a bone.) and in black**. And surprisingly enough, I fell in love with the black ones. Ooooooh. They is so pretty!

And I was able to use my discount card so I actually saved $43.

*I would've broken the shopping ban on Tuesday because I found a super cute bikini (I know, I know -like a hole in the head) for $16.99 but it didn't fit me. And some super cute Michael Kors wedges, but since I had planned on buying the aforementioned shoes, ixnay.

And today, I would've bought a buttload of crap but nothing fit and Jesus said, "No, you don't need it." And I listened.

**I don't have many pairs of black shoes. I have two pairs of black pumps, one pair of black flats (of which I can only find one, the other must be under the bed), and one pair of black sandals. So I was super surprised at how much I loved the black shoes. But they made my calves look FIERCE, cookies. FIERCE.