Change of Pace

Starting a new blog, my loves.

Been weathering a storm and have had a hard time posting.

Time to change my focus.

So check it out.

http://www.thehappyheartproject.blogspot.com

And tell a friend.

Jackie Warner is a Sugar Nazi

I love this bitch!

To be honest, I think she's too skinny and too muscle-y, but she still has an amazing body.

I watched Thintervention this morning, and my favorite scene was when Jackie made Sugar Bitch run up and down the stairs to burn off the two cookies he ate.

And then she's like, "Was it worth it? Was it worth it?"

Well, not now!

Being a Sugar Bitch myself, I can totally relate. I've been trying to cut out sugar for the last few months. Unfortunately, the more stressed I am, the more sugar I crave.

But.

I'm going to keep track of Sugar Bitch's progress.

I'm guessing, if he can do it, I can do it.

We'll see how this unfolds.

Bus Thrower

So I've mentioned that I've started my new job. This is my fifth week, and so far, I like it muchos.

But I've made a buttload of mistakes.

Like:

Sending a letter without postage.

Failing to deduct $100,000 from my boss's check registrar.

Failing to double-check whether a fax had been sent.*

Putting things in the calendar incorrectly.

And the list goes on and on and on.

Luckily, my boss is super understanding. And like he says (often, I might add), "I bet you'll never make that mistake again."

Anyhoodle, back to Bus Thrower (he's nowhere near as diabolical as LeDouchetard, but I guess when you've made such a ginormous mistake, anyone is fair game).

Bus Thrower is the accountant.

Bus Thrower "misplaced" a bunch of checks.

Like twelve.

FOUR WEEKS AGO!

Sucks for him, right?

The other day he revved up his bus engines and said, "Did you leave the checks when you went to the Big Cheese's house?"

And I shut that bitch down and said, "Oh, you mean when I WENT WITH YOU? The stack of papers that YOU gave me? When I WENT WITH YOU? On my second day of work?"

So he backpedals and says, "Oh, I just thought maybe you had an idea where they were."

To which I replied, "Um, no. But feel free to go through my desk and see if you find anything."

End of Story.

Or so I thought.

Today, I hear him telling the Big Cheese he can't find the checks, and that maybe I left them at the Big Cheese's house.

He was totally throwing me under the bus. Totally!

So the Big Cheese, who apparently has infinite patience when it comes to the charming fuck-up he hired (also known as moi), very kindly asks, "SC, did you drop off the papers in my office? Do you remember seeing a folder or an envelope?"

Um. NO!

I tell the Big Cheese the same thing that I told Bus Thrower. "I went to your house with Bus Thrower and put the papers he had me hold on your desk. I'm sorry, but I don't know what was in those papers."

Hello? I make enough mistakes by myself without adding the mistake of MISPLACING TWELVE CHECKS FOUR WEEKS AGO!

I mean, hot damn! Hell to the no.

So I think my boss believed me.

And you can bet your ass I'm not going to trust Bus Thrower.

*In my defense, bus thrower also "taught" me how to fax. I didn't want to seem like an idiot, so before I faxed some important documents, I asked him if I was doing it correctly. He was all like, "Yeah, sure. You're doing it right." And I said, "Really? I don't want to seem like a moron, but I know all fax machines are different." And he said, "No, no -you're doing it right!" And then, when my boss called and asked if the checks would be ready for his meeting, I called the office and found out they had never received my fax! Oh. My. Word. I turned five shades of white and felt my heart drop to my belly. And then! When I said, "Hey, Bus Thrower -you taught me how to do it wrong!" He said, "No, I didn't. And anyway, you should've checked for the fax confirmation." Wow.

This Little Piggy Went to Market

Yesterday I bought these booties for my goddaughter.

And today, while browsing online, I found the matching hat. It'll be here next week.

How could I not?

I seriously need to restrain myself when it comes to buying stuff for her.

But, um. Yeah. That's not going to happen. :)

You've Got Mail

The other day I was flipping through the channels when I heard this,


Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small
life -well, valuable, but small -and sometimes I wonder do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave. So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a
book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.
So good night, dear void.

-Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail



And it really resonanted.

I wonder.

About my life.

Like, shouldn't I want to run a marathon? Or parachute out of a plane? Or travel to India? Or go on safari?

Because I don't.

And I'm not really sure if that's a reflection of me.

I want big things.

But I guess the term "big things" is relative.

Something to think about.